Holly Elmore

Holly Elmore's Substack explores diverse themes ranging from personal growth and mental health to relationships, privacy, and perspectives on technology and science. Through introspective essays, she delves into emotional vulnerability, self-acceptance, societal norms, and the psychological effects of modern innovations while advocating for self-care and emotional intelligence.

Personal Growth Mental Health Relationships Privacy Technology and Science Societal Norms Self-care Emotional Intelligence

The hottest Substack posts of Holly Elmore

And their main takeaways

So-called communal narcissists

39 implied HN points • 29 Jul 16
  1. Communal narcissists seek validation through acts of kindness and altruism, but their true motives may be self-serving.
  2. Judging someone's worth based on personal relationships and interactions can be misleading.
  3. Bias towards family and close relationships is common, but societal norms may unfairly judge those who prioritize helping the broader community.

Self-righteousness, imo

19 implied HN points • 06 Dec 18
  1. Self-righteousness can momentarily relieve self-judgment but leads to a vicious cycle of criticism.
  2. De-escalating tensions with your inner critic requires leaving your comfort zone and showing self-compassion.
  3. A healthy relationship with your inner critic involves unconditional self-love and acceptance.

We are in triage every second of every day

19 implied HN points • 26 Aug 16
  1. Triage occurs with every decision we make
  2. Triage involves rationing scarce resources
  3. We need to acknowledge the life-and-death decisions in allocating resources

potential lost; substance gained

19 implied HN points • 19 Aug 16
  1. Scars and aging represent unique stories and experiences in life.
  2. It's important to live in the present moment and not dwell on lost potential.
  3. Embrace scars as markers of real life experiences, not symbols of lost potential.

Dissociation

19 implied HN points • 25 Jun 16
  1. Dissociation can be a symptom of depression, making you feel disconnected from your body.
  2. Therapy and antidepressants can help bridge the gap between dissociation and feeling present.
  3. Reconnecting with your body after dissociation can feel like waking up from emotional numbness.
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I believed the hype and did mindfulness meditation for dumb reasons-- now I'm trying to reverse the damage

2 HN points • 23 Jul 21
  1. Mindfulness and meditation can have unintended negative consequences, so it's important to approach them carefully.
  2. Be cautious not to overly change your brain's attention patterns through intensive mindfulness practices.
  3. For those considering meditation, especially intense practices, it's essential to understand the potential risks and benefits for your specific situation.

Charity hacks

0 implied HN points • 16 Aug 16
  1. Use AmazonSmile to donate a percentage of purchases to charity.
  2. Cancel under-used subscriptions and services to donate the money saved to charity.
  3. Turn paid favors for friends into opportunities to donate to charity.

Acceptance traps

0 implied HN points • 17 Jun 21
  1. Radical acceptance can sometimes lead to radical resignation
  2. Seeking comfort or happiness can inadvertently lead to misery
  3. Accepting oneself should not hinder growth and change

Let it flow

0 implied HN points • 18 Feb 20
  1. Flow can't be micromanaged, it should be allowed to naturally occur.
  2. Trying to control every detail of flow can result in stagnation.
  3. Let thoughts, feelings, and insights flow freely without constriction.

Launched my podcast

0 implied HN points • 18 Jul 17
  1. The author launched a podcast featuring Larry Summers
  2. There will be more episodes coming up
  3. Editing a podcast helps in becoming aware of how one sounds

Watering the plant

0 implied HN points • 12 Feb 20
  1. Plants need nurturing to grow and thrive.
  2. Sometimes emotional issues require nurturing over corrective measures.
  3. Life itself is often what is needed for growth and healing.

The Turing Test podcast is back with Bryan Caplan!

0 implied HN points • 15 Apr 19
  1. The Turing Test podcast is back after a two-year hiatus
  2. Bryan Caplan is featured in Episode #7 of the podcast
  3. The podcast is now being helped by Julia Edsparr and Jen Eason

The Golden Mean revisited

0 implied HN points • 16 Dec 18
  1. Moderation should be relative to your internal states, not external standards.
  2. Identifying and monitoring 'shenpa' can help in understanding what moderation means for you.
  3. Moderating based on your own temperament, needs, dislikes, and desires is generally wise.

Beauty is in the mind of the beholder

0 implied HN points • 15 Nov 18
  1. Beauty is subjective and perceived differently by individuals.
  2. Extreme exposure to unrealistic body standards can distort one's self-perception.
  3. Protecting yourself from fake or extreme influences is crucial for mental well-being.

Mood shifts

0 implied HN points • 22 Sep 17
  1. Mood shifts can drastically change one's perspective and emotional experiences.
  2. Depression can alter perception and memory, leading to a sense of disconnection from one's past self.
  3. Recognizing and understanding mood shifts, such as dissociation, is crucial for mental well-being.

Everything in moderation?

0 implied HN points • 19 Jan 17
  1. The idea of 'everything in moderation' can be vague and lack guidance on how to apply it.
  2. Questioning the conflation of moderate with reasonable in different contexts.
  3. Accepting the Golden Mean as an exercise in humility, but not as a definitive guide for decision-making.

In defense of midichlorians

0 implied HN points • 06 Jan 17
  1. Midichlorians are like mitochondria, allowing Force-sensitives to tap into energy.
  2. Midichlorians are not about creating the Force, just helping cells harness it.
  3. The use of midichlorians in The Phantom Menace introduces plot holes but could add depth to the Force.

My favorite poem

0 implied HN points • 08 Dec 16
  1. The poem expresses love for knowledge and inspiration from the idea that 'A million isolations burn away.'
  2. The poem reflects on the power of the mind and existence, celebrating the wonder of being a thinking being.
  3. The crystal cabinet metaphor in the poem symbolizes the mind's ability to hold vast knowledge and ideas.

We have to think mechanistically about morality

0 implied HN points • 02 Dec 16
  1. We should approach morality in a mechanistic way.
  2. Consider the effects of actions on achieving desired outcomes.
  3. Moral issues should be seen as problems to be solved, not just evils to oppose.

Live the questions now

0 implied HN points • 23 Jan 20
  1. Be patient with unanswered questions in your heart
  2. Try to appreciate the questions themselves, like locked rooms or foreign books
  3. Focus on living through the questions rather than seeking immediate answers

Veganism and restrictive eating

0 implied HN points • 17 Jan 20
  1. Veganism can be a form of restrictive eating.
  2. Veganism may impact your relationship with food.
  3. Practicing intuitive eating can help end feelings of deprivation in restrictive diets.

A foolish consistency

0 implied HN points • 05 Jan 20
  1. Consistency can act as a prison, limiting personal growth and understanding.
  2. Maintaining consistency can make one appear reliable to others, but may hinder true self-expression.
  3. Being too attached to consistency can prevent growth and living fully in the present moment.

Maybe it's not me-- it's grad school

0 implied HN points • 11 Dec 19
  1. Grad school can have a significant negative impact on mental health.
  2. Finishing grad school is often seen as a turning point for improvement.
  3. It's okay to acknowledge that external circumstances, like grad school, may be a major factor in current challenges.

Internet identity bag

0 implied HN points • 12 Mar 19
  1. Caddisfly larvae and bagworms build encasements from found objects known as bags
  2. Online identities are like bloated outer bags filled with recycled images, sounds, and ideas
  3. Strive to let your true self shine and not be overshadowed by a superficial online identity

Lessons from leaving facebook

0 implied HN points • 26 Feb 19
  1. Realized addiction to Facebook and cravings to share every moment
  2. Recognized seeking approval and attention as drivers for using Facebook
  3. Used Facebook as a coping mechanism for anxiety and realized the need to sit with discomfort

Optimal Designs

0 implied HN points • 28 Dec 18
  1. The debate on optimal designs in evolutionary sciences revolves around whether natural selection consistently provides the best design.
  2. Natural selection can only climb hills on an adaptive landscape, representing all constraints on a feature's design.
  3. Optimal means the best available design, not the overall best, and designs are influenced by factors like conflicting goals and environmental constraints.

Letting the facts speak for themselves

0 implied HN points • 30 Nov 18
  1. Being open-minded means considering facts without bias and being comfortable with uncertainty.
  2. Creating multiple stories based on different perspectives may not lead to finding the truth.
  3. Seeking the truth involves being motivated to understand events without distorting them.

Casting "Riddikulus" on intrusive thoughts

0 implied HN points • 09 Oct 18
  1. Intrusive thoughts can feel urgent and real, but they can be managed.
  2. Imagining a humorous or positive twist to intrusive thoughts can help break their power.
  3. By creatively changing the storyline of intrusive thoughts, it's possible to challenge them without denying the emotions involved.

cis gratitude

0 implied HN points • 21 Sep 18
  1. Cisgender individuals should appreciate the privilege of feeling comfortable in their assigned gender identity.
  2. Recognizing and being grateful for one's gender identity can lead to a sense of euphoria.
  3. It's important to empathize and be grateful towards others who may not experience the same level of comfort with their gender identity.

Migraines: the sword of Damocles

0 implied HN points • 01 Jun 17
  1. Migraines can lurk behind seemingly good things in life like the sun being out or exciting events.
  2. Migraines, even when not severe or frequent, can have significant psychological symptoms and impact on daily life.
  3. The constant worry and fear of migraines can lead to a distorted perception of happiness and excitement, turning them into looming threats.

A fairly original complaint about Mass Effect 3's endings

0 implied HN points • 04 Feb 17
  1. Many fanboys were upset with the Mass Effect 3 endings for being too formulaic.
  2. The Synthesis ending in Mass Effect 3 was criticized for not making sense on various levels.
  3. The Indoctrination Theory in Mass Effect raises questions about the deeper meaning behind the different game endings.

Should I wear makeup?

0 implied HN points • 28 Aug 16
  1. The decision to wear makeup is personal and can involve various factors like ethics, time, and personal preference.
  2. Experimenting with makeup can be a fun way to explore different looks and enhance confidence.
  3. Learning makeup skills allows for the freedom to make an informed choice about wearing makeup, rather than feeling constrained by not knowing how.

More on narcissism

0 implied HN points • 30 Jul 16
  1. Doing good for others validates oneself, especially when it's for strangers.
  2. Viewing good acts as merely evidence of character is narcissistic.
  3. Good deeds should not be measured by the purity of motives, but by the impact on others.

On overcoming procrastination

0 implied HN points • 24 Jun 16
  1. Procrastination can stem from a fear of imperfection and lack of self-worth.
  2. Embracing failure as a learning opportunity and having a growth mindset can help overcome procrastination.
  3. Self-help books like 'The Now Habit' can provide insights into the psychological reasons behind procrastination and offer solutions.