Holly Elmore

Holly Elmore's Substack explores diverse themes ranging from personal growth and mental health to relationships, privacy, and perspectives on technology and science. Through introspective essays, she delves into emotional vulnerability, self-acceptance, societal norms, and the psychological effects of modern innovations while advocating for self-care and emotional intelligence.

Personal Growth Mental Health Relationships Privacy Technology and Science Societal Norms Self-care Emotional Intelligence

The hottest Substack posts of Holly Elmore

And their main takeaways

Not coming

39 implied HN points • 17 Jan 24
🏥 Health & Wellness Sexual Health Personal Experience
  1. The author discusses anorgasmia, a condition where individuals do not experience orgasms.
  2. Approximately 7-10% of women have primary anorgasmia, based on sexual function surveys.
  3. The author feels content without orgasms and believes knowing about orgasms caused feelings of deficiency.

Purgatory

157 implied HN points • 22 Aug 23
⛪ Faith & Spirituality Existence Self-Acceptance Reality Self-love
  1. Purgatory metaphor symbolizes the fear of self-acceptance and desire for perfection.
  2. Living in Purgatory means denying current reality and missing out on opportunities.
  3. Antidote to Purgatory is accepting oneself as is and embracing the present reality.

Oversharing as an abdication of interpretive responsibility

373 implied HN points • 27 Nov 22
  1. Oversharing can be a way of avoiding personal interpretive responsibility.
  2. Sharing too much personal information can shift the responsibility of interpretation to others.
  3. Abdicating interpretive responsibility by oversharing can be seen as a form of self-betrayal.
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The divorce post

157 implied HN points • 27 Jul 23
🏥 Health & Wellness Divorce Healing Mental health Relationships
  1. The author reflects on an amicable divorce after 11 years together and 7 years of marriage.
  2. They waited a long time before making the decision to divorce, trying to fix things by themselves.
  3. The author emphasizes the importance of not spending extra years in an unhappy relationship.

Friendship orientations

471 implied HN points • 04 May 22
  1. The author discovered her monogamous romantic orientation and a unique pattern of relationship orientations.
  2. The author highlights that friendship styles and relationship needs should be openly discussed and accepted.
  3. The author wishes for more open conversations about friendship preferences and desires, similar to romantic relationships.

Desiring to be desired

58 implied HN points • 27 Aug 23
🎭️ Culture Gender Romance Childhood Fiction
  1. The author desired the male gaze to be idealized like she idealized men.
  2. From a young age, the author was drawn to crush drama and admired boys in a fantasy of being chosen.
  3. The chase of unrequited love was addictive for the author, even after clear rejection.

Low Effort podcast #1: Stephanie Jarmak

58 implied HN points • 18 Aug 23
🎙 Podcasts Science Interview Space
  1. Stephanie Jarmak is a planetary scientist who imaged the asteroid Psyche with the James Webb Space Telescope.
  2. She will be joining the NASA Science Explorer team and supporting open science initiatives as their Project Scientist for Planetary Science.
  3. The podcast features a conversation about incentive structures in science and discusses getting your own asteroid.

Psych meds are not as effective as people fear

314 implied HN points • 07 Mar 22
  1. Psychiatric medications are not as effective as commonly thought.
  2. Psychiatric medications have coarse and gross effects on the brain.
  3. The challenge with mental illness is not just taking a pill to fix a chemical imbalance.

Emotional anatomy

157 implied HN points • 15 Apr 22
  1. Learning anatomy can help you understand and address physical discomfort in your body.
  2. Understanding emotions can be enhanced by learning about emotional anatomy.
  3. Detailed emotional vocabulary can improve personal introspection and emotional experiences.

Beauty by default

39 implied HN points • 19 Jun 23
🪞 Fashion & Beauty Beauty
  1. Beauty virtue is about lacking flaws, not just being beautiful.
  2. Competing by default means winning without competing, just by showing up and following the rules.
  3. Beauty by default is when one wins by not having any flaws, similar to winning by default in a competition.

Take the B

137 implied HN points • 06 Mar 22
  1. Don't aim for perfection, aim for good enough (like a B grade)
  2. Focus on the most valuable outcomes and don't get caught up in unnecessary tasks
  3. Perfectionism can hold you back from efficiently using your time and energy

Virtue signaling is sometimes the best or the only metric we have

137 implied HN points • 05 Mar 22
  1. Virtue signaling can offer insights into character and values when trusted signals are used.
  2. Using virtue signals can provide information about a person's character, helpful for future cooperation.
  3. Quality virtue signals are valuable, providing insights where information may be lacking.

Crucial considerations in the field of Wild Animal Welfare (WAW)

117 implied HN points • 10 Apr 22
  1. Wild animal welfare focuses on individual animal well-being in nature
  2. It is an interdisciplinary field largely influenced by Effective Altruism
  3. Key considerations include roles of interventions, definitions of welfare, and impact assessment in WAW

My defense

19 implied HN points • 22 Aug 23
🔬 Science Research Academia Presentation Evolution
  1. The author shares a popular post discussing Baker's Law and the evolution of sex.
  2. The author provides a recorded rehearsal of their defense lecture.
  3. The author includes links to the slides and dissertation for further reference.

Co-creation

19 implied HN points • 19 Jun 23
⛪ Faith & Spirituality Belief Magic Truth
  1. Co-creation involves collaborating with others creatively.
  2. The concept of co-creation was introduced through a personal childhood experience.
  3. This post is catered towards paid subscribers.

Standard disclaimer

58 implied HN points • 06 Mar 22
  1. Blog consists of personal essays on emotional themes with advice-like introspection
  2. Writing is most productive when insights are fresh and new
  3. Author updates posts for typos and additional content

Being smart

98 implied HN points • 29 Feb 20
  1. Realizing you're smart can shape your identity and choices.
  2. Aspiring to be smart does not guarantee fulfillment or self-worth.
  3. Being smart is a valuable tool, but it should not define your whole being.

Embrace mediocre tastes, true happiness

78 implied HN points • 24 May 20
  1. Embrace mediocrity and be true to yourself for genuine satisfaction.
  2. Don't worry about having 'good taste' or seeking public approval in your interests.
  3. Finding joy in things that make you happy, even if they may seem mediocre, can lead to true creativity and happiness.

Instead of "I'm anxious," try "I feel threatened"

58 implied HN points • 19 Jun 19
  1. Reframe 'I'm anxious' to 'I feel threatened' to better understand triggers
  2. Anxiety often stems from feeling internally threatened rather than externally
  3. Identifying specific threats can help manage and reduce anxiety levels

Scrupulosity: my EAGxBoston 2019 lightning talk

58 implied HN points • 02 May 19
  1. Scrupulosity involves obsessions and compulsions related to guilt and anxiety.
  2. An excessive sense of personal responsibility can lead to anxiety and blurred boundaries between thoughts and actions.
  3. Self-care, setting boundaries, and being kind to yourself are important tools in managing scrupulosity.

Alternative beauty: my tummy pokes out

58 implied HN points • 29 Apr 19
  1. Having body insecurities is common, but it's important to make peace with your body.
  2. Self-acceptance is key to feeling comfortable in your own skin.
  3. Loving yourself unconditionally is the best way to truly feel good about your body.

Humility

58 implied HN points • 22 Feb 19
  1. Humility is wisdom, not just a character trait.
  2. Accepting yourself as you are brings peace and lightness.
  3. True humility is being aware of and accepting the truth about yourself.

What does it mean about me that I hate tattoos so much?

58 implied HN points • 05 Feb 19
  1. The author explores their anxiety about body purity and the impact of tattoos on body integrity.
  2. They express aesthetic distaste for tattoos, viewing them as disrupting the natural masterpiece of the body.
  3. The author reflects on letting go of judgment towards others' decisions about their own bodies.

Last Piece Fallacy

58 implied HN points • 06 Jan 19
  1. It's important to recognize that achieving positive results is not always solely due to the last step taken or ingredient added.
  2. Complex outcomes, especially in mental health, often require multiple elements working together rather than just one specific factor.
  3. Avoid falling into the trap of thinking that the last action you took is the only reason for the outcome. Acknowledge the contribution of all the necessary elements.

Kicking an addiction to self-loathing

58 implied HN points • 14 Dec 18
  1. Self-loathing can feel like a familiar, but harmful, comfort zone.
  2. Choosing to be kind to yourself can be scary but liberating.
  3. Self-loathing may seem protective, but it actually undermines your well-being and relationships.

On privacy

58 implied HN points • 12 Dec 18
  1. Privacy is important for self-awareness and self-transparency.
  2. Oversharing acts as a defense mechanism that hinders self-intimacy.
  3. Privacy provides a safe space for personal growth and metamorphosis of thoughts and feelings.

Multiverse of minds

39 implied HN points • 23 Apr 19
  1. Each person lives in their own universe within their mind.
  2. The way we perceive the world is highly subjective and constructed.
  3. There's value in connecting with others and seeing beyond our own expectations.

My personal avocado toast recipe

19 implied HN points • 10 Jun 20
  1. Avocado toast is a popular and nutritious breakfast choice.
  2. The avocado toast recipe is simple and quick, taking about 5 minutes to make.
  3. The recipe includes basic ingredients like bread, avocado, garlic, paprika, and salt.

On losing my privilege

58 implied HN points • 21 Jan 17
  1. Losing liberal privilege made me realize my assumptions and biases.
  2. Labels and tribal membership can impact how we perceive and express views.
  3. Consider the impact of privilege on how opinions are received and valued in different groups.

Have it all: take your spouse's name socially

19 implied HN points • 31 Mar 20
  1. Consider using your spouse's name socially while keeping your legal name.
  2. Maintaining your own name through marriage and divorce can help preserve your independence.
  3. You can give your children your surname socially without causing legal difficulties.

No need to explain

19 implied HN points • 08 Dec 19
  1. Sometimes it's okay not to feel the need to explain yourself
  2. Taking a break from constant performance anxiety and self-justification can lead to high wellbeing
  3. Consider if you are explaining yourself to justify your existence

My fantasy grunge band has the best name

19 implied HN points • 06 Nov 19
  1. The author has a fantasy grunge band name that they find perfect in terms of blending whimsy and dark themes.
  2. The name 'Blue Line to Wonderland' has a poetic description related to IV drug use and urban alienation.
  3. The author appreciates the artistic vibe and layers of meaning in the band name but has no intention to form a real band.

The remembering self needs to get real about the experiencing self.

39 implied HN points • 18 Apr 17
  1. The remembering self should acknowledge the experiencing self and its moments of pleasure.
  2. Delaying gratification is not always the best choice, consider both present and future happiness.
  3. Consider what brings the greatest overall happiness in all moments, for both perception and reflection.