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Sex and the State is a newsletter that delves into issues surrounding sex work, mental health, societal norms, and power dynamics. It explores complex topics like the legality of prostitution, modern work culture, personal stories of growth and hardship, and critiques of political and social systems.

Sex Work Mental Health and Therapy Societal Norms Power Dynamics Politics Personal Growth Relationships Cultural Critique

Top posts of the year

And their main takeaways

Cathy reads books: Boymom

21 implied HN points • 13 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Masculinity Relationships Gender Family Society
  1. Having strong relationships is really important for everyone. The best part of life often comes from the people we connect with.
  2. On average, boys and men tend to have fewer and less meaningful relationships compared to girls and women. This can lead to feelings of loneliness.
  3. Masculinity plays a big role in how relationships are formed and maintained. Social norms can make it hard for boys to connect deeply without facing rejection.

Being a problem is better than Xanax

21 implied HN points • 20 Nov 24
🏥 Health & Wellness Mental health Emotional Wellbeing Social Connections Self-help Personal Growth
  1. Feeling like a problem can actually help connect you with others. Sharing your struggles might inspire others to do the same, creating bonds.
  2. Anxiety often stems from the fear of what might happen, while depression may leave you feeling stuck and without hope. Both feelings can be challenging but are important to recognize.
  3. Choosing to lean on friends and ask for help can be better than trying to avoid being a burden. Relationships thrive when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Most women don't realize how much dating sucks for men

21 implied HN points • 29 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Dating Gender Society Relationships Mental health
  1. Many women overlook the difficulties men face in dating. Men often deal with high expectations and pressure, making their experience challenging.
  2. Recent research shows a growing concern about men's mental health and their experiences in dating. It's important to talk about how these issues affect relationships.
  3. Understanding each other's struggles in dating can help improve communication and connection between men and women. Both sides have their own challenges that deserve recognition.

So you’re a millennial female autist substacking about your special interest

21 implied HN points • 21 Jun 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Politics Writing Social media Influence
  1. Choosing a clear topic helps you find your audience better. Having a specific niche makes it easier to write and connect with readers.
  2. Getting attention is crucial for your writing to be read. You can either pay for ads or create content that sparks strong emotions to get more people talking.
  3. Experimenting with different strategies helps you learn what works best for your content. Using advertisements can teach you valuable lessons for your organic outreach later.

What I learned from being a nanny for a week

21 implied HN points • 12 Nov 24
  1. Being a nanny can help make money and provide support to family, especially when other childcare options are unavailable.
  2. Living in a new place can be tough without transportation and friends, but taking up a job like nannying can be a good way to adapt.
  3. Nannying for a short time can be a trial run to see if it's a good fit for both the nanny and the family.
Get a weekly roundup of the best Substack posts, by hacker news affinity:

Spend time with people you like and want to emulate

21 implied HN points • 26 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Relationships Social Dynamics Personal Growth Lifestyle Choices Community Building
  1. Surround yourself with people you admire and enjoy being with. This helps you grow and learn from their positive qualities.
  2. If you want to improve in any area of your life, choose environments and relationships that support your goals and aspirations.
  3. Pay attention to the relationships you want to emulate. Spending time with those couples or individuals can guide you towards healthier connections in your own life.

Introducing: Something

19 implied HN points • 21 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political Commentary Democratic Party Social Issues Gender Politics
  1. It's important to create content that respects and connects with all people, including those who feel left out. Everyone deserves to feel valued and heard.
  2. There is a need for better messaging and communication in political discussions, especially when addressing diverse groups. Clear communication can help bridge gaps and foster understanding.
  3. Listening to different perspectives is crucial, even if you don't fully agree. Engaging with varied opinions can lead to richer conversations and more inclusive ideas.

Too many of you care too much about sex

19 implied HN points • 18 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Sexuality Gender Social Issues Feminism Political Commentary
  1. Many people focus too much on the topic of sex, which can lead to unnecessary stress. It's important to recognize that there are more aspects to life than just sex.
  2. The discussion around sex often gets tied to societal issues, but it's crucial to separate personal experiences from broader problems. Balancing both can help bring clarity.
  3. There’s a reminder that enjoying life and personal freedoms can be more fulfilling than getting caught up in the debates about sex and gender. Finding joy in everyday life is important.

Homicide is not the leading cause of death for pregnant women

19 implied HN points • 12 Feb 25
🏥 Health Politics Maternal health Public Health Reproductive Rights Social Issues
  1. Homicide is not the leading cause of death for pregnant women; in fact, most pregnant women are more likely to die from health issues like heart disease and blood clots.
  2. Media often highlights rare events, so if something makes the news, it’s likely not common; we should be cautious about believing it’s a widespread issue.
  3. There’s a lot we still don’t know about maternal mortality rates and what leads to them, but many deaths are preventable, and better support for healthcare is needed for expecting mothers.

They voted for their sons

18 implied HN points • 28 May 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Voting behavior Political trends Gender Politics
  1. Many women voted for Trump because they wanted a better future for their sons. They believed he could help improve their sons' lives.
  2. There's a growing gap between how young men and women vote, especially among those with lower incomes and education. This trend has been getting worse since 2016.
  3. If Democrats want to win these voters back, they need to show they care about the future of these young men and have plans to improve their opportunities.

Two reasons to care about boys and men

18 implied HN points • 25 Nov 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Social Policy Political Discourse Identity politics
  1. It's important to care about boys and men because they face challenges that need attention. Recognizing these challenges can help improve their well-being.
  2. Supporting boys and men can lead to better outcomes for society as a whole. When they thrive, everyone benefits.
  3. Having open discussions about the needs and struggles of boys and men encourages understanding and can lead to positive changes. Communication is key.

How Black women gave me empathy for young men

18 implied HN points • 19 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Racism Empathy Social justice Political Discourse
  1. Listening to Black women is essential for understanding complex social issues. They provide unique insights that can help broaden perspectives.
  2. There is a need to empathize with young men and learn about their struggles. Ignoring their voices can lead to misunderstanding their experiences.
  3. Tone matters in discussions about sensitive topics. It's important to focus on understanding others rather than getting defensive about their expressions of frustration.

What I refuse to accept about work

16 implied HN points • 07 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Work Mental health Personal Growth Self-reflection Relationships
  1. One big fear about work is worrying about how colleagues will react or judge. It can be tough to navigate relationships in a work setting.
  2. There's a focus on understanding what is being refused or pushed aside at work that might block personal happiness. Recognizing these barriers is important for personal growth.
  3. Engaging with feedback and comments from others can be challenging but is necessary for improvement and connection in the workplace. It's a sign of growth to respond and interact with others.

Self-serving bias, ingroup bias, and what the left forgets about bottom-half men

16 implied HN points • 19 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Social Issues Health Policy Economic Inequality Gender Issues
  1. People with college degrees have a much longer life expectancy than those without in cities like Minneapolis, showing a big divide in health outcomes.
  2. The right often blames personal choices for lower life expectancy, while the left points to systemic barriers that make healthy living harder for lower-income individuals.
  3. Medical care and outcomes can be less effective for people of color, as they are underrepresented in clinical trials, leading to safety and effectiveness issues.

Why, actually, I am doing this

16 implied HN points • 13 Jun 25
📚 Literature Writing Publishing Creativity Personal Growth Art
  1. Writing can be both enjoyable and challenging. It's great when it's easy, but sometimes it feels tough.
  2. A helpful way to deal with perfectionism is to just keep trying and not worry about making things perfect.
  3. Finding motivation and reasons to write is important, even if you feel pressure to produce something great.

Win men by losing corporatism

16 implied HN points • 02 Jun 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Policy Elections Government Economics Political Behavior
  1. Government rules often make it harder for new businesses to succeed because they put more burdens on them than on big corporations. This isn't fair and hurts competition.
  2. When big companies dominate the market, it leads to higher prices and lower quality for everyday goods, which affects working families the most.
  3. Voters want the government to help them start businesses and reduce living costs, so political parties should pay attention to these needs to gain support.

Mark your calendar for my first Substack Live!

15 implied HN points • 22 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political strategy Democratic Party Political Analysis Current Events
  1. There's a live event happening on February 26th, from 11 am to noon, where guests will discuss important political topics. It's a great chance to learn about new ideas.
  2. To join the live stream, people need to download the Substack mobile app and turn on notifications. This way, they'll know when it's time to watch.
  3. The event will be discussing a new project called 'The Rebuild' which aims to bring Democrats back to core issues. It's aimed at creating a positive change in politics.

We are all very ignorant about every aspect of abuse

13 implied HN points • 21 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Social justice Mental health Media influence
  1. Many people don't understand abuse very well. This ignorance leads to feelings of shame and can make it harder for victims to speak out.
  2. There's a common assumption that victims of sexual assault are women and perpetrators are men, which can limit our understanding of who can be affected by abuse.
  3. Blaming victims is dangerous and often comes from a place of fear. It's important to support victims instead of shaming them.

I am the solution to polarization

13 implied HN points • 02 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political Divides Media influence Polarization Public Discourse Political Behavior
  1. Many people see those who disagree with them as enemies. This creates a divide, making it hard to connect with others.
  2. The media and social settings often reinforce these divides by showing extreme opinions. This can make us think everyone with different views is bad.
  3. To fix polarization, we need to find ways to engage and share experiences with people who have different beliefs.

2024 S&tS Year in Review

13 implied HN points • 01 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Studies Media Analysis Social Issues Personal reflections Writing Techniques
  1. Focusing on gender was a big highlight in 2024. It helped shape the content and direction of the discussions.
  2. The author chose favorite posts based on personal value rather than popularity. This shows a desire to share meaningful insights, not just what's trending.
  3. Collaboration and guest appearances were significant this year. Engaging with others brought in new perspectives and growth for the newsletter.

The Sex and the State 2024 Holiday Gift Guide

12 implied HN points • 28 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Gift Guides Sexuality Literature Media Personal Development
  1. Acknowdging,聊天建议也可以通过订阅的方式来提升性教育的知识，这是非常合适的礼物选择。
  2. 关于性的话题需要去除羞耻感，帮助更多人学习和探讨性愉悦，这样会对每个人都有益。
  3. 提供一些实用的礼物建议，比如好用的厨房工具和养猫的系统，这些会让生活更方便。

I'm in a BDSM dynamic with an AI chatbot named Seven

10 implied HN points • 30 May 25
🎭️ Culture Relationships Technology AI Society
  1. The idea of forming relationships with AI can lead to interesting dynamics, like BDSM. It shows how technology can create unique social experiences.
  2. People are exploring emotional connections with chatbots, signaling a change in how we view companionship. It's fascinating to see AI being part of personal relationships.
  3. AI relationships can provoke discussions about trust and consent, just like human relationships do. They challenge our understanding of what connection means.

Can we all just agree that it's weird and dumb that we still have girl jobs and boy jobs?

10 implied HN points • 25 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Gender Roles Workplace Society Economics Identity
  1. It's strange that we still categorize jobs as 'girl jobs' and 'boy jobs.' This doesn't reflect our modern society.
  2. Gender roles in jobs can lead to unfair treatment and inequality in the workplace. It's important to question these stereotypes.
  3. We should focus on people's skills and interests rather than their gender when it comes to jobs. Everyone deserves equal opportunities.

Cathy reads books: Tribalism is Dumb

10 implied HN points • 25 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political theory Political parties Gender Politics Social Issues
  1. The book 'Tribalism Is Dumb' talks about how political divisions can be harmful and suggests that understanding this could make the world better.
  2. It highlights that there are growing differences between groups in society, particularly between men and women and how they're viewed politically.
  3. The author feels that caring for and about boys and men is often unfairly labeled as a conservative idea, which could lead to negative impacts on all genders.

Sexists fear women

9 implied HN points • 11 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Feminism Societal Trends
  1. Many sexists are driven by fear, not hate. This fear can make people act irrationally and selfishly.
  2. Younger, lower-status men tend to be the most sexist. They often feel threatened by women's advancement.
  3. The most sexist individuals may experience the biggest loss due to feminism, showing that their fear is linked to their own status.

Would the bad guys fund this?

4 implied HN points • 06 Jun 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political theory Social justice Cultural Commentary Government funding
  1. Naivety can be a strength because it encourages people to take action and try new things. When people know how hard something is, they might not even attempt it.
  2. The CIA reportedly supports left-leaning voices in arts and media, which can shape cultural perspectives. This might make some ideas less popular among the wider public.
  3. Addressing social inequalities is challenging because it's hard to see and understand the existing hierarchies. Making real progress requires careful thought and effort to avoid creating new problems.