The hottest Dating Substack posts right now

And their main takeaways
Category
Top Culture Topics

The Incel's Veto and Other Observations

Freddie deBoer • 17636 implied HN points • 06 Mar 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. A small but vocal slice of sexually frustrated men has come to shape public talk about sex, making ordinary admissions of sexual experience feel stigmatized and spreading the idea that nobody is getting laid.
  2. Framing attraction as a marketplace or leaderboard (think looksmaxxing and sexual market value) turns intimacy into competition and validation-seeking, and social platforms amplify that narrow, toxic view.
  3. Sex and romance are ordinary and broadly attainable; being genuine, social, and willing to face rejection usually builds real connections better than obsessing over metrics or extreme self-improvement.

Tough Love: I Want Kids. My Boyfriend Says He’s Not Ready.

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 2837 implied HN points • 15 Mar 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Asking a partner to freeze her eggs so he can delay commitment is a red flag that he’s avoiding responsibility and may be manipulative or unwilling to fully commit.
  2. Changing or vague reasons for delaying engagement, moving in, or having children are moving goalposts and suggest his timeline may never align with yours.
  3. Staying in a loving but stalled relationship risks losing the biological window to start a family, so leaving to find someone whose timeline matches yours can be an important act of self-respect.

The Pain and the Glory of Nonmonogamy

Knowingless • 5186 implied HN points • 05 Mar 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Nonmonogamy can be deeply fulfilling and build intense trust, because it lets you be chosen freely and learn more about who your partners really are.
  2. It is emotionally hard and culturally unsupported, often triggering strong jealousy or a "scary attention-hijack," but those reactions tend to calm with experience and honest processing.
  3. Making it work requires radical honesty, clear communication, and dating people who are truly committed to nonmonogamy rather than those who might slide back into monogamy.

Stop Trying to Make Heterosexuals into Lesbians

Richard Hanania's Newsletter • 5291 implied HN points • 09 Mar 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Heterosexual attraction often depends on complementarity: men typically prioritize youth and physical attractiveness while women more often prioritize status, resources, or power.
  2. Pushing heterosexuals to adopt a lesbian-style model of romance that minimizes power differences and emphasizes compatibility only — and stigmatizing age gaps, workplace dating, or transactional aspects — can reduce pairing and harm family formation.
  3. We should be realistic and nonjudgmental about different adult relationship types, acknowledge how dating apps and changing social norms reshape mating markets, and avoid selectively condemning common transactional dynamics.

First Date

The Trick Revealed • 396 implied HN points • 14 Mar 26
⚔ Fiction Dating
  1. Showing up on time and offering small courtesies matters a lot—being late and unapologetic sets a disrespectful tone for a date.
  2. Actions speak louder than words—ordering a bunch of food but not eating it felt performative and signaled mixed intentions or attention-seeking.
  3. When one person is emotionally distant or not reciprocating engagement, the mismatch in expectations becomes obvious and usually ends the connection.
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Tough Love: Do I Like Being Single Too Much to Fall in Love?

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 3746 implied HN points • 12 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. A full, independent single life can be wonderful, but being completely self-contained often leaves no space for a partner to enter and be needed.
  2. Deep romantic love requires humility and vulnerability — you have to be willing to let someone disrupt your routines, depend on them, and accept inconveniences for their sake.
  3. Love usually won’t arrive passively; actively meeting people, saying yes to dates or setups, and risking disappointment is how you give yourself a real chance at finding it.

ACX Classifieds 1/26

Astral Codex Ten • 3785 implied HN points • 29 Jan 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. This is an irregular classifieds thread where people can advertise things in the comments.
  2. Keep replies under the right top-level category (Employment, Dating, Read My Blog, Consume My Product/Service, Meetup, Other) and don’t add new top-level comments or they’ll be deleted.
  3. Be respectful especially when responding to dating posts, and consider the linked resources like the EA job board, internships, and meetup finder for related needs.

Chads and Incels, Glazing, Socializing

Rob Henderson's Newsletter • 1231 implied HN points • 24 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. The idea that a small group of "Chads" monopolizes sex is misleading; most young adults report zero or one sexual partner per year, a minority of both genders account for most casual sex, and most sex happens inside relationships.
  2. Building friendships takes real time: roughly 50 hours to become a casual friend, another 40 hours to be a "real" friend, and about 200 hours to become close.
  3. Important signs of social cohesion are weakening, as far fewer people now prioritize patriotism or having children compared with 1998.

How The Free Press Found Me a Husband

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 904 implied HN points • 13 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. A 29-year-old in Tel Aviv was fed up with dating apps, setups, and feeling uncertain about the future of their love life.
  2. Free Press Cupid is back and inviting short write-ups at [email protected] for people who think the community could help them find a match.
  3. The full story is behind a sign-in/subscription paywall and the piece includes AI-generated audio narration.

Arthur Brooks: Opposites Really Do Attract

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 871 implied HN points • 13 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Cultural and linguistic differences often increase romantic attraction rather than decrease it.
  2. Some attraction may be biological — people tend to prefer mates with different immune-system genes — and initial communication problems usually fade after a few months.
  3. Culturally diverse couples are generally just as satisfied long-term as similar couples, so seeking someone different can lead to lasting relationships.

Dating Roundup #10: Gendered Expectations

Don't Worry About the Vase • 2329 implied HN points • 12 Jan 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Men should be in touch with their emotions but also learn to manage and share them well; emotional honesty grounded in composure is attractive, while emotional dumping is a turn-off.
  2. How you present your gendered energy and social signals matters a lot; mixing confident masculine and feminine traits and giving thoughtful, unexpected compliments or gestures can boost attraction.
  3. Clear communication, boundaries, and respectful behavior are essential; stalking, thoughtless displays (like leaving a price tag) or mismatched expectations about money or support often reveal deeper incompatibility.

Dating Roundup #11: Going Too Meta

Don't Worry About the Vase • 1702 implied HN points • 23 Jan 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Where you live drastically changes your dating chances — some cities (like NYC) offer far more and different opportunities than others.
  2. Personal choices matter: being okay earning less than your partner, keeping fit but not obsessive, and having confidence can noticeably improve dating success.
  3. The dating ecosystem shapes outcomes — apps and viral takes can harm mental health and effectiveness, while real-world tools like matchmakers or honest in-person effort often work better.

You Don't Need a Better Pickup Line. You Need a Better Life.

Rob Henderson's Newsletter • 5985 implied HN points • 23 Nov 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. To connect better with others, focus on improving your conversational skills. Talk to anyone, like your friends or even your barber, to get comfortable.
  2. Live a more interesting life to give yourself things to share. Try new hobbies or learn new skills to have fun stories when you meet people.
  3. When dating, be aware that rejection happens often and it's usually not personal. Focus on things you can control, like your grooming and confidence, to make a better impression.

Arthur Brooks: Why Are Young People Choosing OnlyFans Over Love?

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 561 implied HN points • 16 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Fear is pushing many young people away from messy, real relationships and toward paid, anonymous interactions that feel safer and less vulnerable.
  2. The internet and subscription porn sites offer instant gratification and anonymity, which can deepen loneliness and foster addictive habits instead of building lasting connections.
  3. OnlyFans shows how big and profitable this shift is. Hundreds of millions of users and billions of dollars spent show paid virtual intimacy outcompeting traditional media and even some AI services.

Why Is No One Having Sex?

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 570 implied HN points • 12 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. A lot of couples are having sex very rarely — roughly one in four say they have sex once a month or less.
  2. Many people blame tiredness, mental overload, work and childcare for killing desire, and they don’t want to ‘perform’ sexually after long days.
  3. Partners often still like each other and want closeness, but are content with non‑sexual intimacy and save sex for date nights or special occasions.

The case for a pronatalist dating site

Wood From Eden • 2256 implied HN points • 01 Jan 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. The modern dating market became more selfish after traditional norms eroded, and that selfishness is undermining stable marriages and family formation. Restoring cultural norms that value commitment and co-investment in a family is needed to repair this.
  2. A non-profit pronatalist dating site could create safer spaces that reward decency and commitment instead of flash and casual hookups. Such a platform should promote norms like valuing steadiness over constant excitement, discouraging ghosting, and treating sex as something that serves a long-term relationship.
  3. Money and policy should focus on supporting cultural infrastructure rather than cash payments, so NGOs and civic movements should build and fund pro-family platforms. A community-driven, non-commercial service can better match people who view family as a cornerstone and grow with a broader pronatalist movement.

Dating Roundup #8: Tactics

Don't Worry About the Vase • 1971 implied HN points • 29 Dec 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Dating is a skill you get by doing — get reps, practice deliberately, and review what went right and wrong to improve.
  2. Be clear about interest and escalate appropriately — shoot your shot and create common knowledge, but read the room because forcing clarity can backfire.
  3. Use simple, practical tactics: confirm plans to avoid flaking, show receptive energy, approach people you want, and just do things instead of inventing rules.

Death by Situationship

Many Such Cases • 8892 implied HN points • 21 Mar 24
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Situationships are confusing romantic bonds that lack clear definitions, leaving people feeling stuck and unfulfilled. Many young people find themselves in these types of relationships instead of committed ones.
  2. Surveys show that situationships often lead to heartache, especially among younger generations. Many people end up feeling emotionally drained and hurt since these relationships usually don't meet their needs.
  3. The rise of digital communication has impacted how we form connections, making it easier to avoid real intimacy. Overall, situationships seem to reflect a broader struggle with genuine relationships and emotional honesty.

Bring Back Meeting In Real Life

Many Such Cases • 3876 implied HN points • 30 May 24
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Meeting people in real life is important for dating. We should go back to how relationships used to form through friends and social gatherings.
  2. Technology has made dating complicated. We often get overwhelmed by online options and forget to connect with people around us.
  3. It's time to face our fears about dating. We need to be more open and willing to talk to others, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

The Weekend Press: How to Fall in Love

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 343 implied HN points • 14 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Love and relationships are presented as worth pursuing, with personal stories about quick marriage and separation alongside matchmaking and science-backed dating advice.
  2. Culture and controversy are prominent, featuring interviews and opinion pieces on topics like gender dysphoria and AI resignations, plus film criticism and Winter Olympics highlights.
  3. Practical weekend guidance is offered, including event and book-launch notices plus lifestyle tips for food, fitness, clothing rentals, and movies to watch.

Dating Roundup #9: Signals and Selection

Don't Worry About the Vase • 1388 implied HN points • 30 Dec 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Tiny behaviors carry big weight: small “icks” often act as strong signals that people use to infer deeper traits, so habit changes that avoid obvious turnoffs matter more than you think.
  2. Don’t invent red flags or chase the same generic checklist: stop turning neutral or positive facts into negatives and be specific about the values that actually matter to you.
  3. Communicate and move with purpose: ghosting, hiding fixable complaints, or staying too long in noncommittal relationships wrecks chances, and showing contempt for harmless quirks (like astrology) usually does more harm than good.

How Not to Be an Incel or a Psychopath

Bet On It • 311 implied HN points • 05 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Dating culture has moved toward casual, short-term arrangements like "situationships" and "nanoships," leaving a lot of people frustrated and unclear about what partners really want.
  2. Many men feel stuck between being honest (and staying celibate), lying to get sex (and feeling guilty), or committing to someone they don’t genuinely like just to have a sex life.
  3. Both men and women commonly misrepresent themselves — about age, looks, or future intentions — and those mutual deceptions breed distrust, resentment, and unhappy long-term outcomes.

The Science of Hooking Up and Settling Down

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 213 implied HN points • 13 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Many young heterosexuals are dating less and often get stuck in endless app messaging, awkward first dates, and little romantic progress.
  2. Pessimistic cultural narratives and toxic online subcultures have deepened despair among some men and made dating feel more fraught.
  3. People blame everything from the sexual revolution to economics and dating apps, but the conversation frequently relies on an oversimplified pop version of evolutionary psychology that mischaracterizes attraction.

"May I Meet You?" Is Not a Bad Pickup Line

Rob Henderson's Newsletter • 1325 implied HN points • 17 Nov 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Your appearance matters, but it's not as important as you might think. Just being well-groomed can make a big difference.
  2. People often focus too much on finding the perfect pickup line. The truth is, it’s the connection that really matters.
  3. Being genuine and confident will attract more interest than any clever line you could come up with. Just be yourself!

Alpha Male Losers

Erik Examines • 627 implied HN points • 19 Dec 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Influencers who sell 'alpha male' tactics give poor relationship advice; they often rely on manipulation, don't sustain real loving partnerships, and their flashy status symbols are hollow.
  2. Long-term relationships with educated, emotionally mature partners are more stable and better for children; making friends and being social creates real connections far more effectively than dating apps or alpha posturing.
  3. True leadership and attractiveness come from social skills, alliance-building, and emotional intelligence—not muscles, money, or online performance; aim for a steady, community-oriented life with genuine friendships instead of chasing fame or status.

Women, not men, are saying no to dating

Sex and the State • 47 implied HN points • 23 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Recent data show many more men than women are using dating apps and actively looking for relationships, with a clear male majority among users and higher percentages of single men seeking dates.
  2. Women are increasingly saying no to dating and marriage, and this reduced willingness to couple helps explain falling marriage rates among the same groups.
  3. Possible reasons include class and economic shifts (who can be a breadwinner), changing expectations about partnerships, and cultural changes such as feminism that have altered incentives for women to marry.

The Dark Side of Desire

Rob Henderson's Newsletter • 3087 implied HN points • 18 May 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Women can sometimes be attracted to 'bad boys' or violent men due to evolutionary instincts. It's thought that women may view these traits as indicators of strength, which could help protect their own offspring.
  2. Similarities in education, political beliefs, and values are key factors in choosing romantic partners. People generally gravitate towards those who share common backgrounds and life goals.
  3. Improving physical health and social skills can boost attractiveness. Taking care of yourself in terms of grooming and fitness, along with building social connections, can make a big difference in dating.

How to Fix Dating

Polymathic Being • 97 implied HN points • 01 Feb 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. A lot of modern dating works like a transaction where money, status, or attention are traded for women’s time and sexual access, a pattern with roots in flapper-era social norms.
  2. That transactional model creates misaligned incentives and unclear expectations, which can lead to exploitation, resentment, and the kinds of problems highlighted by movements like #MeToo.
  3. A better approach is clearer norms and honest conversation: set mutual expectations and boundaries, share costs more equitably, or adopt a courtship-style model focused on commitment instead of quid‑pro‑quo exchanges.

if he wanted to, would he really?

Airplane Mode with Liz Plank • 1867 implied HN points • 11 Jan 24
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Men's behavior in relationships is not always as simple as 'If he wanted to, he would.'
  2. Slogans like 'If he wanted to, he would' may have underlying anti-feminist implications and oversimplify modern dating dynamics.
  3. In today's dating scene, understanding and compassion for both genders can help avoid misunderstandings and improve relationships.

Is friendship romantic?

bookbear express • 363 implied HN points • 03 Dec 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Close friendships can feel romantic because they’re intimate and may create pairbonding, but they usually differ from romances by lacking sexual intimacy, exclusivity, and constant structural closeness like shared living or constant travel.
  2. If you want to date a friend, remember chemistry isn’t the same as compatibility; try gentle moves, respect the other person’s preferences, and practice clear boundaries so rejections don’t become avoidable drama.
  3. A friends-first approach to dating tends to make for healthier long-term relationships because you actually like the person beyond attraction, though dating friends can still risk changing or losing the original friendship.

A Man Should Know: How to Propose

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 264 implied HN points • 12 Dec 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. A proposal is the first shared decision of a marriage, so it sets the tone for the partnership.
  2. A private proposal can be the best first step toward a happy marriage, valuing intimacy over public spectacle.
  3. Men should prepare and seek practical, experience-based advice so their proposal reflects the relationship’s history and mutual commitment.

The Case for Dating Abundance

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 1126 implied HN points • 02 Aug 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Dating has become a tough battlefield for both men and women, with a lot of frustration and anger in the air. People are struggling to connect and understand each other in romantic relationships.
  2. A recent satire shows how extreme dating frustrations can become, highlighting a woman who takes her date hostage to prove they should be together. This reflects the intense feelings many single women face today.
  3. There's a growing belief that dating is failing, especially for straight people, due to various issues, particularly blaming men. This idea has sparked conversations about the future of relationships.

sunday memepool

bad cattitude • 85 implied HN points • 11 Jan 26
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Finding genuine connection is the central concern.
  2. Dating used to feel simpler, suggesting modern dating is more complicated.
  3. It's time to reconsider long-standing dating practices and how we pursue connection.

Hand-Holding Explained

Bet On It • 166 implied HN points • 24 Nov 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Asking directly to hold hands is clear, respectful, and consensual, and it stops days of anxious guessing by turning uncertainty into a simple yes or no.
  2. Hand-holding is an intimate but non‑sexual gesture that feels safe and gentle, making it a useful first step for people who are shy, healing, or anxious about dating.
  3. Many analytical or neurodivergent men need concrete, low‑pressure social tools like this to rebuild confidence and appear more grounded and likable in real human interactions.

Should Your Husband Tie Your Shoes?

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 626 implied HN points • 16 Jul 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. The term 'princess treatment' refers to traditional acts of chivalry like opening doors and giving flowers, which some young women are celebrating today. It's basically a fun way to rebrand old-school dating manners.
  2. Social media has sparked a lot of controversy around this concept, with some people praising it while others criticize it as outdated or even harmful. The discussions are often exaggerated to get more attention online.
  3. A TikToker named Courtney Palmer has taken this trend further by promoting extreme ideas of 'princess treatment,' like refusing to walk in the rain or even talk to restaurant staff. This has led to a big backlash and more debate in the media.

What ‘Love Island’ Gets Right About Dating

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 561 implied HN points • 09 Jul 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. 'Love Island' shows how dating can be fun and experimental, with flirting and trying again after rejection. It's like a game where you learn to navigate relationships.
  2. The show creates a feeling of connection by airing episodes daily, making viewers feel like they're part of the contestants' journey. It's like sharing experiences in real-time.
  3. While some may see it as shallow, there are lessons about relationships, jealousy, and how people interact in modern dating. The drama highlights real emotions we all experience.

Reviewing Men? There’s an App for That.

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 431 implied HN points • 31 Jul 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. A new dating app called Tea Dating Advice lets women anonymously rate men they might date. It's become very popular, showing a new way for women to share their experiences.
  2. Men have responded to this app by publicly embarrassing women, creating a negative cycle that affects both sides. This kind of behavior isn't helping anyone find love.
  3. The app was created to help women avoid bad dating experiences, especially after one man's mother had a scary time with online dating. It's meant to be a supportive tool.

What really makes the dating app monopoly dysfunctional

Offline: dating that works • 219 implied HN points • 21 Apr 24
🕹 Technology Dating
  1. Dating apps lack an optimal balance between exploration and exploitation, crucial for decision-making in relationships.
  2. The current dating app market is monopolized by a dysfunctional swiping protocol that hinders successful exploration and relationships.
  3. Dating apps prioritize superficial attraction and short-term connections over meaningful, committed relationships, shaping user behavior and limiting relationship potential.

Hand-Holding: Two Final Readings (for now)

Bet On It • 105 implied HN points • 25 Nov 25
🎭️ Culture Dating
  1. Directly asking to hold hands is a simple, effective way to show interest.
  2. Saying "Do you like holding hands?" gives both people plausible deniability while still making your interest clear; if they say yes you can take their hand, and if no you can shrug it off.
  3. If you’re shy, small gestures and cultural moments can help you reach out; holidays like Thanksgiving or a song that resonates can be a good excuse to ask someone to hold your hand.