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Sex and the State is a newsletter that delves into issues surrounding sex work, mental health, societal norms, and power dynamics. It explores complex topics like the legality of prostitution, modern work culture, personal stories of growth and hardship, and critiques of political and social systems.

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Top posts of the year

And their main takeaways

Bottom-half marriage is a completely different institution

84 implied HN points • 17 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Marriage Gender Roles Societal norms Relationships Economic Factors
  1. Marriage offers different benefits for people in different social and economic classes. For many men, especially those from lower-income backgrounds, marriage may not feel like a good deal due to potential losses in a divorce.
  2. Women are more likely to initiate divorce, challenging the idea that men are always at a disadvantage in marriage. However, this doesn't capture the full picture of how marriage affects different groups.
  3. The experience of marriage varies greatly between individuals in the top and bottom halves of the economic spectrum, suggesting they are essentially different institutions with unique dynamics and implications.

Have women ever considered what keeps men from doing better?

70 implied HN points • 12 Jun 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Feminism Masculinity Social Policy Cultural norms
  1. Men often feel pressured to conform to traditional masculinity, which can limit their emotional expression. This fear of being vulnerable can lead to negative behaviors.
  2. Both men and women are affected by strict gender roles that can hinder their growth and well-being. Just like women face consequences for breaking norms, men do too.
  3. Changing how men behave requires creating safer spaces for them to express themselves. Blaming men without understanding the risks they face isn't helpful.

How the gender pay gap gave me empathy for men

61 implied HN points • 10 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Political Philosophy Feminism Libertarianism Social norms
  1. The gender pay gap is often influenced by personal choices, like marriage and childbirth, rather than just discrimination. It's important to look at how societal expectations shape these choices.
  2. Both men and women face pressures from cultural norms about gender roles. Blaming individuals for broader systemic issues is unfair and ignores the real struggles they face.
  3. Men, especially those struggling in today's society, experience loneliness and pressure to conform to traditional masculinity. Understanding their challenges can help us all work towards a more empathetic society.

Why I’m back on OnlyFans

58 implied HN points • 24 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Sex work Feminism Storytelling Online Platforms Gender Studies
  1. The main reason for returning to OnlyFans is to earn more money. Earning from Substack alone isn't enough to live on, so diversifying income is essential.
  2. Posting adult content also helps reduce the stigma around sex work. It's a way to show that feminist women can choose to do this work confidently.
  3. Storytelling and representation are important. There’s a belief that making adult content can contribute to changing perceptions about gender and sexuality in society.

Our intelligentsia has abandoned our illiterati

58 implied HN points • 27 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Political Ideology Media influence Voter Demographics Gender Issues
  1. Many young men who don’t read much are being influenced by certain podcasters, which is a concern for progressives trying to win elections.
  2. These podcasts often focus on entertainment rather than politics, appealing to men who might not engage with more traditional media.
  3. There is a need for more relatable and engaging political messaging to connect with young men in the lower educated and income brackets, especially from the left.
Get a weekly roundup of the best Substack posts, by hacker news affinity:

Boys are more delicate than girls

53 implied HN points • 06 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Poverty Child development Employment Trends
  1. Boys are more affected by their family situations than girls. A stable family life can greatly improve boys' future job prospects.
  2. Growing up in poverty and single-parent households has a bigger negative impact on boys. They tend to struggle more in school and with behavior compared to girls in similar situations.
  3. Many people, regardless of their political views, are worried about boys' futures. Society generally believes we need to do more to help boys succeed.

Marriage is down because it’s bad for women

50 implied HN points • 29 May 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Socioeconomics Feminism Social Issues
  1. Marriage rates are dropping because many women feel it's a bad deal for them. They are reassessing what marriage offers compared to being single.
  2. Women in the lower half of income and education often find their potential partners don't offer enough benefits in a marriage. These women are realizing they are better off remaining single.
  3. In general, marriage tends to benefit men more than women. This imbalance is particularly pronounced in marriages involving lower-income men, making marriage less appealing for women.

Feminists can center men a little, as a treat

44 implied HN points • 23 Jun 25
🎭️ Culture Feminism Relationships Gender Studies Intimacy Community
  1. Decentering men is really about building strong connections with others. It's important to have a supportive community instead of relying solely on one person for emotional needs.
  2. Being in a committed relationship can still align with feminist values. It's okay to center a partner if that relationship is healthy and reciprocal.
  3. Love should be about wanting what’s best for each other, even if it means making tough choices. Trust and mutual respect in relationships lead to deeper intimacy.

Femininity is a flex for top-half men

41 implied HN points • 20 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Social norms Pop culture Masculinity Feminism
  1. Top-half men can safely express femininity without facing the same backlash that bottom-half men do. This difference shows how societal pressure around gender roles varies based on social class.
  2. Many men, particularly from marginalized groups, perform masculinity to protect themselves from real threats of violence. They are often trapped in rigid gender roles that can hurt their personal development.
  3. The divide in how femininity and masculinity are perceived can affect academic success, especially for boys. Those pushed to conform to traditional masculinity may struggle more in school.

Western masculinity as Chinese foot binding

41 implied HN points • 30 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Masculinity Feminism Social Psychology Identity
  1. Masculinity can feel like a form of emotional restriction, making it hard for men to share their feelings. This creates loneliness and can lead to harmful behaviors.
  2. Young boys often face societal pressure to act 'masculine,' which forces them to choose between being lonely or risking vulnerability. This leaves them in a tough spot.
  3. Just like foot binding, masculinity can hurt men in ways that aren't immediately obvious. It can prevent them from understanding and expressing their own pain.

Everyone wants a male breadwinner

38 implied HN points • 10 Jun 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Roles Economic Policy Feminism
  1. Many people still believe in a male breadwinner model where the man earns money while the woman takes care of the home. This belief can create pressure and expectations in relationships.
  2. Research shows that marriages where women earn more than men can lead to more stress and higher chances of divorce. This hints that traditional gender roles still have a strong influence on people's decisions.
  3. Challenging the idea that men should always be the main earners could help improve marriage quality and financial outcomes for families. It's worth reconsidering these old norms for better relationships.

The whoral majority

38 implied HN points • 19 Jun 25
🎭️ Culture Sexuality Morality Religion Society Identity
  1. Many people have a rigid view of morality based on what they were taught as children, which can create discomfort with new ideas.
  2. Prostitution, often viewed negatively, has existed throughout history and can actually provide financial independence and safety when decriminalized.
  3. The author questions the morality of organized religions, especially given their contradictions and failures, and believes that the perspectives of sex workers should be valued more.

How to fight fascism

38 implied HN points • 17 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political Activism Civil Rights Free speech Censorship Fascism
  1. It's important to recognize that the fight against censorship and control often starts with marginalized groups, like sex workers, and their struggles can affect everyone. We need to unite and support each other regardless of our backgrounds.
  2. Challenging the status quo is essential, but it's also crucial to understand that real change takes time and involves understanding the complexities of existing systems. Burning everything down might not be the answer.
  3. Celebrating small acts of resistance and being true to ourselves matters. Each step we take counts, whether it's showing our identities or standing against the norm.

I’m not letting the fascists have sex

36 implied HN points • 03 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Sexuality Feminism Politics Media Society
  1. There's a tension between wanting to control women's bodies and celebrating their sexuality. It's a push and pull that reflects deep cultural conflicts.
  2. Some people celebrate women's sexual appeal while also promoting control over it, which shows a contradiction in their beliefs.
  3. Leftist debates about sexuality are often unnecessary and created, not fundamental issues, highlighting the complexities in social attitudes towards sex.

Yes, we punish men more for doing gender wrong

35 implied HN points • 03 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Masculinity Feminism Loneliness
  1. Men face stricter punishment for behaving in ways that don't fit traditional masculinity. This makes it harder for them to express themselves freely.
  2. Gender norms restrict men's behavior more than women's, leading to issues like loneliness. Men are often discouraged from showing vulnerability, which is important for forming friendships.
  3. Homophobia plays a big role in loneliness among gay men, as they face discrimination that adds to their struggles. This is tied to the idea that society expects certain behaviors from different genders.

Why increase fertility when you can just allow more immigration?

33 implied HN points • 04 Jun 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Immigration Economic Policy Demography Social Issues Public Policy
  1. Low fertility can hurt economic growth, which affects many aspects of life. When fewer young people enter the workforce, it can slow down innovation and increase challenges for society.
  2. Relying solely on immigration to solve the problem of declining birth rates isn't a long-term solution. Eventually, countries may run out of people to bring in as global fertility rates fall.
  3. Simply allowing more immigration can also cause societal tensions and may not be popular among locals. It's important to think about how to support both current residents and look for ways to encourage higher birth rates.

The Happy Wife School

33 implied HN points • 05 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Roles Marriage Responsibility Society Social norms
  1. Women often feel they have to take responsibility for their husband's happiness, but that's not fair or accurate. Each person should have their own role in a marriage.
  2. It's common to believe that if one person works hard enough, they can fix all problems in a relationship. But both partners are needed to make things work.
  3. No one can completely control their circumstances or the actions of others. It's important to understand that sometimes, things are beyond our control.

Yes, male wages explain marriage declines

32 implied HN points • 15 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Income Inequality Gender Roles Social norms
  1. Marriage rates are declining, especially among poorer men and women. Many women are opting for single motherhood instead.
  2. The reason for this decline isn't just about money, but about the quality of potential partners. Poorer men often don't meet the standards women have for marriage.
  3. Reports that say women are too wealthy to marry don't consider that most of the decline is happening in lower-income groups. Single motherhood needs more attention since it's a growing concern.

The New York Times is lowkey anti-gender

32 implied HN points • 11 Nov 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Media Criticism Cultural Commentary Political Discourse
  1. The New York Times published an essay arguing against traditional masculinity, suggesting positive masculinity doesn't fix deeper issues faced by boys. It points out that boys feel immense pressure to act a certain way.
  2. The essay claims we need to rethink and possibly eliminate the concept of masculinity altogether to address the real problems men and boys face.
  3. Some conservative media criticized the essay as part of a supposed 'war on masculinity,' but the author found value in it despite suggesting a slight change.

No, incels, women are not “too shallow”

32 implied HN points • 09 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Relationships Social norms Masculinity Feminism
  1. Women value different traits than looks when choosing partners. They often prioritize status over physical appearance.
  2. The idea that women are too shallow for ugly men is not true. Most women don't typically have casual sex with anyone, regardless of looks.
  3. Improving social skills and personality can lead to better relationships. Many men focus too much on looks instead of what really matters in attracting partners.

Us feminists really did kill marriage

30 implied HN points • 12 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Feminism Marriage Family Social Issues Cultural critique
  1. Marriage rates are going down in many countries, and it's important to understand why this is happening. Some people think it's due to modern influences, but the reasons are more complex.
  2. Conservatives sometimes blame feminists for this decline, and while they might have a point, it's important to understand the full picture. Feminists often criticize marriage and family structures as outdated or oppressive.
  3. Some feminists actually support the idea of abolishing marriage altogether. This has led to different views on relationships and family, impacting how society sees them today.

The point of politics

29 implied HN points • 22 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Political parties Gender Politics Voter Behavior Policy Analysis
  1. Winning elections is the most important goal for political parties. If they don't win, they can't implement their policies.
  2. When swing voters are misinformed on issues, sometimes it's better for politicians to change the conversation back to popular topics.
  3. Policies regarding gender and rights can sometimes hurt a party if voters aren't educated about them, so they should be careful in how they communicate these issues.

Cheers to a (California) sober 2025

29 implied HN points • 31 Dec 24
🏥 Health & Wellness Mental health Addiction Lifestyle Self-care Personal Growth
  1. Going sober for a year can help you realize what alcohol actually adds or takes away from your life. It's about finding clarity and feeling more present.
  2. Being sober means facing your emotions rather than hiding from them with drinks. This can help you deal with social anxiety and other feelings more effectively.
  3. Living without alcohol can lead to better energy and memory. The focus shifts from seeking fun through drinking to enjoying life as it is.

Happy Valentine's Day. Have some stats on sex

29 implied HN points • 14 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Studies Feminism Sexuality Sociology Relationships
  1. The ongoing debate in feminism is about whether sex is morally neutral, impacting how people view sex work and gender issues. It's crucial to consider different perspectives in these discussions.
  2. The author's focus has shifted over time, now exploring masculinity and gender while still connecting this to broader societal issues like class and policy analysis.
  3. Despite feeling frustrated about repetitive arguments over the years, the author sees value in persistence and humor while discussing important topics in society.

Why women enforce the “must want sex all the time” masculinity norm

29 implied HN points • 08 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender norms Sexuality Sociology Feminism Masculinity
  1. Women play a role in supporting the idea that men should always want sex. This belief can put pressure on both genders.
  2. The expectation for men to be sexually driven can lead to feelings of inadequacy if they don't meet these standards. It can affect their confidence and relationships.
  3. Challenging these norms could free both men and women to express their true desires without societal pressure. This could lead to healthier relationships and personal happiness.

What am I afraid of at work?

29 implied HN points • 31 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Writing Feminism Workplace Psychology
  1. Many feminist writings are often repetitive and less engaging. It's common to feel this way about similar genres, such as libertarian or academic writing.
  2. Examining your work through Attachment Theory can reveal deeper insights about your relationship to it. Personal reflection can help uncover self-deceiving thoughts.
  3. It's important to engage with other writers in your niche. This can improve your own work and provide new perspectives.

Maybe young men need compulsory military service

27 implied HN points • 26 May 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Military Policy Social Issues Youth Engagement Civic Responsibility
  1. Many countries have some form of compulsory military service, which can help young men gain structure and skills. It's becoming more common again after a period of decline.
  2. Compulsory service can benefit young men by promoting social responsibility and providing positive adult role models, which is important for their development.
  3. However, there are drawbacks to conscription, like disrupting education and work opportunities, and it can sometimes create inequalities in who is called to serve.

Demand for male breadwinners exceeds supply

27 implied HN points • 24 Oct 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Society Gender Marriage Demographics Relationships
  1. There are more people looking for traditional male breadwinners than there are available men who fit that role. This can create issues in relationships.
  2. The gap between what people expect in a husband and what they actually find might be affecting choices around dating and marriage today.
  3. Declining rates of marriage and fertility could be linked to the changing perceptions of masculinity and the roles men are expected to play in families.

The upside to losing my looks

26 implied HN points • 20 Jun 25
🎭️ Culture Feminism Beauty Aging Social norms Self-Identity
  1. As I age, I feel less anxiety about my looks, which is a nice change. I no longer feel pressured to always be beautiful like I did in my younger years.
  2. People often say that women lose their beauty and become invisible as they age. But I feel a sense of freedom and relief from that pressure now.
  3. Growing older means less worry about fitting into tight beauty standards. It feels good to let go of those expectations and simply enjoy who I am.

Why I keep talking about “bottom-half” men

26 implied HN points • 26 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Social Issues Inequality Education Income
  1. The term 'bottom-half' refers to people in the lower half of social status based on income, education, and wealth. It's a way to discuss the challenges faced by those with less power.
  2. There is a growing gap between the top and bottom halves of society, making it increasingly important to talk about the experiences of the bottom-half. These experiences can be very different from those in the top-half.
  3. Many factors that determine someone's place in society are beyond their control, and understanding this can help us avoid blaming individuals for systemic issues.

Radical feminism is not the most feminist kind of feminism

26 implied HN points • 27 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Feminism Gender Society Identity Activism
  1. Radical feminism is not considered the most feminist approach. There are different types of feminism, and not all are the same.
  2. The term 'feminism' generally refers to the movement against sexism. It's important to clarify what feminism really means.
  3. Many people have misunderstandings about feminism, which can often lead to confusion. It's crucial to learn and discuss the true intentions and ideas behind feminist movements.

A shockingly ignorant timeline

23 implied HN points • 06 Nov 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Feminism Social Issues Gender Politics Cultural critique
  1. People often ignore important issues, like what is happening in Russia. It's important to stay informed, even if it's uncomfortable.
  2. There’s a rise in anti-feminist ideas, like the 'tradwife' trend, which can be harmful. These views don't really support women's rights.
  3. Understanding these social trends helps us see the bigger picture. It’s crucial to think critically about what we see and believe.

California sobriety journal

23 implied HN points • 17 Jan 25
🏥 Health & Wellness Sobriety Addiction Mental health Lifestyle Personal Growth
  1. Staying sober can be challenging, especially in social situations where others are drinking. It's normal to miss the feelings and experiences associated with drinking.
  2. Going out to fancy bars or events can be tough while sober, as the allure of cocktails and the atmosphere is strong. But it’s possible to enjoy these experiences without alcohol.
  3. Every person's journey with sobriety is unique, and it takes time to find what works best individually in social settings. The process can involve ups and downs as one learns to navigate these situations.

There’s actually a good reason work is so family unfriendly

23 implied HN points • 27 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Work Culture Corporate Responsibility Economics Fertility
  1. Work culture is not very friendly to families, which affects fertility rates. It often targets women as if they are the only ones responsible for family matters.
  2. Business strategies that claim to be 'family-friendly' are often not profitable, meaning companies may avoid them to keep costs down.
  3. Finding solutions for work-life balance really requires looking beyond just employer policies; it involves understanding broader economic trends and societal changes.

Controversial opinion: Democrats can win men back

23 implied HN points • 10 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Political strategy Gender Issues Party Dynamics Voter Behavior
  1. Democrats need to focus more on winning back male voters if they want to be successful. Many believe that focusing only on women has caused the party to lose touch with men.
  2. There is evidence that some men are feeling left behind and more reactionary. Democrats should engage these men and offer them better alternatives to the right's messaging.
  3. It’s important for the Democrats to change their approach and focus on broader issues that matter to men, rather than just cultural or gender debates. They need to present realistic solutions that appeal to all voters.

Why real men look like trash

23 implied HN points • 30 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Relationships Gender Roles Socialization
  1. Men often come across as messy or emotionally unbalanced, especially on dating apps. This can make them less appealing to women.
  2. Basic skills like grooming and style are important for everyone, but men haven't always been taught to prioritize these things.
  3. Advice on self-improvement is easier for women to give to men, but gender dynamics make these conversations complex.

What just happened?

23 implied HN points • 07 Nov 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Voting Political parties Public Opinion Campaigns
  1. Kamala Harris losing the popular vote was unexpected for many. It shows how unpredictable politics can be.
  2. The writer moved to a new area to understand different political views. It highlights the challenge of finding common ground among diverse opinions.
  3. Making new friends in a place with different political beliefs can be difficult. It's important to connect with people no matter their political stance.

Sperm problems aren’t depressing fertility rates. Well, not directly.

21 implied HN points • 17 Jun 25
🏥 Health & Wellness Fertility Men's Health Public Health Nutrition
  1. Sperm problems aren't the main reason for lower fertility rates. People are choosing to have fewer kids rather than being unable to have them.
  2. Many young people are having less sex and this might lead to fewer unexpected pregnancies. This could be related to issues like sperm quality and health.
  3. It's easy to oversimplify why people do or don't want kids. Understanding people's true feelings about family is more complicated than it seems.

Why I buy the male victimhood narrative

21 implied HN points • 22 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Social Commentary Feminism Masculinity Victimhood
  1. Some people think that men can also be victims in society. This idea challenges how we usually think about gender roles.
  2. Believing in male victimhood can spark discussions about fairness and equality. It shows that men can face issues too, just like women.
  3. Talk about male victimhood can be divisive, but it's important to understand different perspectives. Listening to everyone's experiences creates a better conversation.