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Sex and the State is a newsletter that delves into issues surrounding sex work, mental health, societal norms, and power dynamics. It explores complex topics like the legality of prostitution, modern work culture, personal stories of growth and hardship, and critiques of political and social systems.

Sex Work Mental Health and Therapy Societal Norms Power Dynamics Politics Personal Growth Relationships Cultural Critique

The hottest Substack posts of Sex and the State

And their main takeaways

Mark your calendar for my first Substack Live!

15 implied HN points • 22 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political strategy Democratic Party Political Analysis Current Events
  1. There's a live event happening on February 26th, from 11 am to noon, where guests will discuss important political topics. It's a great chance to learn about new ideas.
  2. To join the live stream, people need to download the Substack mobile app and turn on notifications. This way, they'll know when it's time to watch.
  3. The event will be discussing a new project called 'The Rebuild' which aims to bring Democrats back to core issues. It's aimed at creating a positive change in politics.

Introducing: Something

19 implied HN points • 21 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political Commentary Democratic Party Social Issues Gender Politics
  1. It's important to create content that respects and connects with all people, including those who feel left out. Everyone deserves to feel valued and heard.
  2. There is a need for better messaging and communication in political discussions, especially when addressing diverse groups. Clear communication can help bridge gaps and foster understanding.
  3. Listening to different perspectives is crucial, even if you don't fully agree. Engaging with varied opinions can lead to richer conversations and more inclusive ideas.

How Black women gave me empathy for young men

18 implied HN points • 19 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Racism Empathy Social justice Political Discourse
  1. Listening to Black women is essential for understanding complex social issues. They provide unique insights that can help broaden perspectives.
  2. There is a need to empathize with young men and learn about their struggles. Ignoring their voices can lead to misunderstanding their experiences.
  3. Tone matters in discussions about sensitive topics. It's important to focus on understanding others rather than getting defensive about their expressions of frustration.

How to fight fascism

38 implied HN points • 17 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political Activism Civil Rights Free speech Censorship Fascism
  1. It's important to recognize that the fight against censorship and control often starts with marginalized groups, like sex workers, and their struggles can affect everyone. We need to unite and support each other regardless of our backgrounds.
  2. Challenging the status quo is essential, but it's also crucial to understand that real change takes time and involves understanding the complexities of existing systems. Burning everything down might not be the answer.
  3. Celebrating small acts of resistance and being true to ourselves matters. Each step we take counts, whether it's showing our identities or standing against the norm.

Happy Valentine's Day. Have some stats on sex

29 implied HN points • 14 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Studies Feminism Sexuality Sociology Relationships
  1. The ongoing debate in feminism is about whether sex is morally neutral, impacting how people view sex work and gender issues. It's crucial to consider different perspectives in these discussions.
  2. The author's focus has shifted over time, now exploring masculinity and gender while still connecting this to broader societal issues like class and policy analysis.
  3. Despite feeling frustrated about repetitive arguments over the years, the author sees value in persistence and humor while discussing important topics in society.
Get a weekly roundup of the best Substack posts, by hacker news affinity:

Homicide is not the leading cause of death for pregnant women

19 implied HN points • 12 Feb 25
🏥 Health Politics Maternal health Public Health Reproductive Rights Social Issues
  1. Homicide is not the leading cause of death for pregnant women; in fact, most pregnant women are more likely to die from health issues like heart disease and blood clots.
  2. Media often highlights rare events, so if something makes the news, it’s likely not common; we should be cautious about believing it’s a widespread issue.
  3. There’s a lot we still don’t know about maternal mortality rates and what leads to them, but many deaths are preventable, and better support for healthcare is needed for expecting mothers.

Controversial opinion: Democrats can win men back

23 implied HN points • 10 Feb 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Political strategy Gender Issues Party Dynamics Voter Behavior
  1. Democrats need to focus more on winning back male voters if they want to be successful. Many believe that focusing only on women has caused the party to lose touch with men.
  2. There is evidence that some men are feeling left behind and more reactionary. Democrats should engage these men and offer them better alternatives to the right's messaging.
  3. It’s important for the Democrats to change their approach and focus on broader issues that matter to men, rather than just cultural or gender debates. They need to present realistic solutions that appeal to all voters.

The Happy Wife School

33 implied HN points • 05 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Roles Marriage Responsibility Society Social norms
  1. Women often feel they have to take responsibility for their husband's happiness, but that's not fair or accurate. Each person should have their own role in a marriage.
  2. It's common to believe that if one person works hard enough, they can fix all problems in a relationship. But both partners are needed to make things work.
  3. No one can completely control their circumstances or the actions of others. It's important to understand that sometimes, things are beyond our control.

Yes, we punish men more for doing gender wrong

35 implied HN points • 03 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Masculinity Feminism Loneliness
  1. Men face stricter punishment for behaving in ways that don't fit traditional masculinity. This makes it harder for them to express themselves freely.
  2. Gender norms restrict men's behavior more than women's, leading to issues like loneliness. Men are often discouraged from showing vulnerability, which is important for forming friendships.
  3. Homophobia plays a big role in loneliness among gay men, as they face discrimination that adds to their struggles. This is tied to the idea that society expects certain behaviors from different genders.

Our intelligentsia has abandoned our illiterati

58 implied HN points • 27 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Political Ideology Media influence Voter Demographics Gender Issues
  1. Many young men who don’t read much are being influenced by certain podcasters, which is a concern for progressives trying to win elections.
  2. These podcasts often focus on entertainment rather than politics, appealing to men who might not engage with more traditional media.
  3. There is a need for more relatable and engaging political messaging to connect with young men in the lower educated and income brackets, especially from the left.

What I refuse to accept about work

16 implied HN points • 07 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Work Mental health Personal Growth Self-reflection Relationships
  1. One big fear about work is worrying about how colleagues will react or judge. It can be tough to navigate relationships in a work setting.
  2. There's a focus on understanding what is being refused or pushed aside at work that might block personal happiness. Recognizing these barriers is important for personal growth.
  3. Engaging with feedback and comments from others can be challenging but is necessary for improvement and connection in the workplace. It's a sign of growth to respond and interact with others.

What am I afraid of at work?

29 implied HN points • 31 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Writing Feminism Workplace Psychology
  1. Many feminist writings are often repetitive and less engaging. It's common to feel this way about similar genres, such as libertarian or academic writing.
  2. Examining your work through Attachment Theory can reveal deeper insights about your relationship to it. Personal reflection can help uncover self-deceiving thoughts.
  3. It's important to engage with other writers in your niche. This can improve your own work and provide new perspectives.

Femininity is a flex for top-half men

41 implied HN points • 20 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Social norms Pop culture Masculinity Feminism
  1. Top-half men can safely express femininity without facing the same backlash that bottom-half men do. This difference shows how societal pressure around gender roles varies based on social class.
  2. Many men, particularly from marginalized groups, perform masculinity to protect themselves from real threats of violence. They are often trapped in rigid gender roles that can hurt their personal development.
  3. The divide in how femininity and masculinity are perceived can affect academic success, especially for boys. Those pushed to conform to traditional masculinity may struggle more in school.

There’s actually a good reason work is so family unfriendly

23 implied HN points • 27 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Work Culture Corporate Responsibility Economics Fertility
  1. Work culture is not very friendly to families, which affects fertility rates. It often targets women as if they are the only ones responsible for family matters.
  2. Business strategies that claim to be 'family-friendly' are often not profitable, meaning companies may avoid them to keep costs down.
  3. Finding solutions for work-life balance really requires looking beyond just employer policies; it involves understanding broader economic trends and societal changes.

The point of politics

29 implied HN points • 22 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Elections Political parties Gender Politics Voter Behavior Policy Analysis
  1. Winning elections is the most important goal for political parties. If they don't win, they can't implement their policies.
  2. When swing voters are misinformed on issues, sometimes it's better for politicians to change the conversation back to popular topics.
  3. Policies regarding gender and rights can sometimes hurt a party if voters aren't educated about them, so they should be careful in how they communicate these issues.

Boys are more delicate than girls

53 implied HN points • 06 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Poverty Child development Employment Trends
  1. Boys are more affected by their family situations than girls. A stable family life can greatly improve boys' future job prospects.
  2. Growing up in poverty and single-parent households has a bigger negative impact on boys. They tend to struggle more in school and with behavior compared to girls in similar situations.
  3. Many people, regardless of their political views, are worried about boys' futures. Society generally believes we need to do more to help boys succeed.

Yes, male wages explain marriage declines

32 implied HN points • 15 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Income Inequality Gender Roles Social norms
  1. Marriage rates are declining, especially among poorer men and women. Many women are opting for single motherhood instead.
  2. The reason for this decline isn't just about money, but about the quality of potential partners. Poorer men often don't meet the standards women have for marriage.
  3. Reports that say women are too wealthy to marry don't consider that most of the decline is happening in lower-income groups. Single motherhood needs more attention since it's a growing concern.

Bottom-half marriage is a completely different institution

84 implied HN points • 17 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Marriage Gender Roles Societal norms Relationships Economic Factors
  1. Marriage offers different benefits for people in different social and economic classes. For many men, especially those from lower-income backgrounds, marriage may not feel like a good deal due to potential losses in a divorce.
  2. Women are more likely to initiate divorce, challenging the idea that men are always at a disadvantage in marriage. However, this doesn't capture the full picture of how marriage affects different groups.
  3. The experience of marriage varies greatly between individuals in the top and bottom halves of the economic spectrum, suggesting they are essentially different institutions with unique dynamics and implications.

Why I’m back on OnlyFans

58 implied HN points • 24 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Sex work Feminism Storytelling Online Platforms Gender Studies
  1. The main reason for returning to OnlyFans is to earn more money. Earning from Substack alone isn't enough to live on, so diversifying income is essential.
  2. Posting adult content also helps reduce the stigma around sex work. It's a way to show that feminist women can choose to do this work confidently.
  3. Storytelling and representation are important. There’s a belief that making adult content can contribute to changing perceptions about gender and sexuality in society.

California sobriety journal

23 implied HN points • 17 Jan 25
🏥 Health & Wellness Sobriety Addiction Mental health Lifestyle Personal Growth
  1. Staying sober can be challenging, especially in social situations where others are drinking. It's normal to miss the feelings and experiences associated with drinking.
  2. Going out to fancy bars or events can be tough while sober, as the allure of cocktails and the atmosphere is strong. But it’s possible to enjoy these experiences without alcohol.
  3. Every person's journey with sobriety is unique, and it takes time to find what works best individually in social settings. The process can involve ups and downs as one learns to navigate these situations.

No, incels, women are not “too shallow”

32 implied HN points • 09 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Relationships Social norms Masculinity Feminism
  1. Women value different traits than looks when choosing partners. They often prioritize status over physical appearance.
  2. The idea that women are too shallow for ugly men is not true. Most women don't typically have casual sex with anyone, regardless of looks.
  3. Improving social skills and personality can lead to better relationships. Many men focus too much on looks instead of what really matters in attracting partners.

I’m not letting the fascists have sex

36 implied HN points • 03 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Sexuality Feminism Politics Media Society
  1. There's a tension between wanting to control women's bodies and celebrating their sexuality. It's a push and pull that reflects deep cultural conflicts.
  2. Some people celebrate women's sexual appeal while also promoting control over it, which shows a contradiction in their beliefs.
  3. Leftist debates about sexuality are often unnecessary and created, not fundamental issues, highlighting the complexities in social attitudes towards sex.

Western masculinity as Chinese foot binding

41 implied HN points • 30 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Masculinity Feminism Social Psychology Identity
  1. Masculinity can feel like a form of emotional restriction, making it hard for men to share their feelings. This creates loneliness and can lead to harmful behaviors.
  2. Young boys often face societal pressure to act 'masculine,' which forces them to choose between being lonely or risking vulnerability. This leaves them in a tough spot.
  3. Just like foot binding, masculinity can hurt men in ways that aren't immediately obvious. It can prevent them from understanding and expressing their own pain.

Why women enforce the “must want sex all the time” masculinity norm

29 implied HN points • 08 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender norms Sexuality Sociology Feminism Masculinity
  1. Women play a role in supporting the idea that men should always want sex. This belief can put pressure on both genders.
  2. The expectation for men to be sexually driven can lead to feelings of inadequacy if they don't meet these standards. It can affect their confidence and relationships.
  3. Challenging these norms could free both men and women to express their true desires without societal pressure. This could lead to healthier relationships and personal happiness.

Cathy reads books: Boymom

21 implied HN points • 13 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Masculinity Relationships Gender Family Society
  1. Having strong relationships is really important for everyone. The best part of life often comes from the people we connect with.
  2. On average, boys and men tend to have fewer and less meaningful relationships compared to girls and women. This can lead to feelings of loneliness.
  3. Masculinity plays a big role in how relationships are formed and maintained. Social norms can make it hard for boys to connect deeply without facing rejection.

How the gender pay gap gave me empathy for men

61 implied HN points • 10 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Political Philosophy Feminism Libertarianism Social norms
  1. The gender pay gap is often influenced by personal choices, like marriage and childbirth, rather than just discrimination. It's important to look at how societal expectations shape these choices.
  2. Both men and women face pressures from cultural norms about gender roles. Blaming individuals for broader systemic issues is unfair and ignores the real struggles they face.
  3. Men, especially those struggling in today's society, experience loneliness and pressure to conform to traditional masculinity. Understanding their challenges can help us all work towards a more empathetic society.

Cheers to a (California) sober 2025

29 implied HN points • 31 Dec 24
🏥 Health & Wellness Mental health Addiction Lifestyle Self-care Personal Growth
  1. Going sober for a year can help you realize what alcohol actually adds or takes away from your life. It's about finding clarity and feeling more present.
  2. Being sober means facing your emotions rather than hiding from them with drinks. This can help you deal with social anxiety and other feelings more effectively.
  3. Living without alcohol can lead to better energy and memory. The focus shifts from seeking fun through drinking to enjoying life as it is.

Why I keep talking about “bottom-half” men

26 implied HN points • 26 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Social Issues Inequality Education Income
  1. The term 'bottom-half' refers to people in the lower half of social status based on income, education, and wealth. It's a way to discuss the challenges faced by those with less power.
  2. There is a growing gap between the top and bottom halves of society, making it increasingly important to talk about the experiences of the bottom-half. These experiences can be very different from those in the top-half.
  3. Many factors that determine someone's place in society are beyond their control, and understanding this can help us avoid blaming individuals for systemic issues.

Us feminists really did kill marriage

30 implied HN points • 12 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Feminism Marriage Family Social Issues Cultural critique
  1. Marriage rates are going down in many countries, and it's important to understand why this is happening. Some people think it's due to modern influences, but the reasons are more complex.
  2. Conservatives sometimes blame feminists for this decline, and while they might have a point, it's important to understand the full picture. Feminists often criticize marriage and family structures as outdated or oppressive.
  3. Some feminists actually support the idea of abolishing marriage altogether. This has led to different views on relationships and family, impacting how society sees them today.

2024 S&tS Year in Review

13 implied HN points • 01 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Studies Media Analysis Social Issues Personal reflections Writing Techniques
  1. Focusing on gender was a big highlight in 2024. It helped shape the content and direction of the discussions.
  2. The author chose favorite posts based on personal value rather than popularity. This shows a desire to share meaningful insights, not just what's trending.
  3. Collaboration and guest appearances were significant this year. Engaging with others brought in new perspectives and growth for the newsletter.

Self-serving bias, ingroup bias, and what the left forgets about bottom-half men

16 implied HN points • 19 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Social Issues Health Policy Economic Inequality Gender Issues
  1. People with college degrees have a much longer life expectancy than those without in cities like Minneapolis, showing a big divide in health outcomes.
  2. The right often blames personal choices for lower life expectancy, while the left points to systemic barriers that make healthy living harder for lower-income individuals.
  3. Medical care and outcomes can be less effective for people of color, as they are underrepresented in clinical trials, leading to safety and effectiveness issues.

Radical feminism is not the most feminist kind of feminism

26 implied HN points • 27 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Feminism Gender Society Identity Activism
  1. Radical feminism is not considered the most feminist approach. There are different types of feminism, and not all are the same.
  2. The term 'feminism' generally refers to the movement against sexism. It's important to clarify what feminism really means.
  3. Many people have misunderstandings about feminism, which can often lead to confusion. It's crucial to learn and discuss the true intentions and ideas behind feminist movements.

The New York Times is lowkey anti-gender

32 implied HN points • 11 Nov 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Media Criticism Cultural Commentary Political Discourse
  1. The New York Times published an essay arguing against traditional masculinity, suggesting positive masculinity doesn't fix deeper issues faced by boys. It points out that boys feel immense pressure to act a certain way.
  2. The essay claims we need to rethink and possibly eliminate the concept of masculinity altogether to address the real problems men and boys face.
  3. Some conservative media criticized the essay as part of a supposed 'war on masculinity,' but the author found value in it despite suggesting a slight change.

Cathy reads books: Tribalism is Dumb

10 implied HN points • 25 Dec 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Political theory Political parties Gender Politics Social Issues
  1. The book 'Tribalism Is Dumb' talks about how political divisions can be harmful and suggests that understanding this could make the world better.
  2. It highlights that there are growing differences between groups in society, particularly between men and women and how they're viewed politically.
  3. The author feels that caring for and about boys and men is often unfairly labeled as a conservative idea, which could lead to negative impacts on all genders.

Why I buy the male victimhood narrative

21 implied HN points • 22 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Social Commentary Feminism Masculinity Victimhood
  1. Some people think that men can also be victims in society. This idea challenges how we usually think about gender roles.
  2. Believing in male victimhood can spark discussions about fairness and equality. It shows that men can face issues too, just like women.
  3. Talk about male victimhood can be divisive, but it's important to understand different perspectives. Listening to everyone's experiences creates a better conversation.

Being a problem is better than Xanax

21 implied HN points • 20 Nov 24
🏥 Health & Wellness Mental health Emotional Wellbeing Social Connections Self-help Personal Growth
  1. Feeling like a problem can actually help connect you with others. Sharing your struggles might inspire others to do the same, creating bonds.
  2. Anxiety often stems from the fear of what might happen, while depression may leave you feeling stuck and without hope. Both feelings can be challenging but are important to recognize.
  3. Choosing to lean on friends and ask for help can be better than trying to avoid being a burden. Relationships thrive when we allow ourselves to be vulnerable.

Two reasons to care about boys and men

18 implied HN points • 25 Nov 24
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Gender Issues Social Policy Political Discourse Identity politics
  1. It's important to care about boys and men because they face challenges that need attention. Recognizing these challenges can help improve their well-being.
  2. Supporting boys and men can lead to better outcomes for society as a whole. When they thrive, everyone benefits.
  3. Having open discussions about the needs and struggles of boys and men encourages understanding and can lead to positive changes. Communication is key.

Too many of you care too much about sex

19 implied HN points • 18 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Sexuality Gender Social Issues Feminism Political Commentary
  1. Many people focus too much on the topic of sex, which can lead to unnecessary stress. It's important to recognize that there are more aspects to life than just sex.
  2. The discussion around sex often gets tied to societal issues, but it's crucial to separate personal experiences from broader problems. Balancing both can help bring clarity.
  3. There’s a reminder that enjoying life and personal freedoms can be more fulfilling than getting caught up in the debates about sex and gender. Finding joy in everyday life is important.