The hottest Social norms Substack posts right now

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Why Extravagant Weddings Are On The Rise At The Same Time Marital Rates Are In Decline

Rob Henderson's Newsletter • 3579 implied HN points • 01 Jun 25
🎭️ Culture Marriage Social norms Cultural shift Commitment
  1. People are spending more on weddings to show their commitment, even though fewer couples are getting married. It seems like an expensive wedding is now seen as proof of a serious relationship.
  2. Marriage itself used to symbolize commitment. Now, because trust in marriage is changing, couples feel they need to stage extravagant weddings to prove they are serious.
  3. The rising costs of weddings can make it harder for many people to marry, especially those who need the stability of marriage the most. It creates a barrier, as not everyone can afford a big wedding.

La phobie de l’engagement n’existe pas

L'Atelier Galita • 139 implied HN points • 31 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Relationships Social norms Gender Studies Psychology Personal Development
  1. The idea of commitment phobia is often exaggerated; many people just avoid serious relationships with specific partners. It's not that they fear commitment overall, but rather with certain individuals.
  2. Men often know quickly if they want a serious relationship, but may take advantage of women's hesitation to express their desires.
  3. While a few people may genuinely have a fear of commitment, they are much less common than people think.

What I Told RFK's Team at the Department of Health and Human Services

Rob Henderson's Newsletter • 6629 implied HN points • 21 May 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Poverty Education Family Policy Social norms
  1. Teaching the 'success sequence' can help reduce poverty. Kids who finish school, get a job, and marry before having kids are much less likely to be in poverty.
  2. Society needs clear and strong norms around work and family. When rich people don't talk about these norms, it confuses those in lower-income communities.
  3. Family stability is important for children's success. Kids from married parents tend to do better in school and have better chances of going to college.

The Case Against Budget Culture

Culture Study • 6348 implied HN points • 08 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Cultural critique Social norms Consumer behavior
  1. Budget culture often promotes greed and shame about money rather than a healthy relationship with it. Instead of feeling restricted, it’s better to think of money as a tool for living well.
  2. Many people see budgeting as a way to gain control over their finances. However, this mindset can restrict your personal choices and lead to feelings of inadequacy.
  3. Community and generosity should be prioritized over individual wealth accumulation. Sharing resources can foster a supportive environment that reduces financial stress for everyone.

In Defense of the Great American Sleepover

Common Sense with Bari Weiss • 5420 implied HN points • 29 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Childhood Parenting Social norms Education Traditions
  1. Sleepovers are an important part of childhood and can help build friendships and social skills. They create lasting memories and experiences together.
  2. Some people believe that fewer sleepovers could lead to better academic outcomes and more focus on studying. They suggest prioritizing education over social activities.
  3. Critics of eliminating sleepovers argue that balance is key. Both social experiences and academic pursuits are important for a well-rounded development.
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The Typical Man Disgusts the Typical Woman

Bet On It • 2621 implied HN points • 13 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Relationships Social norms Gender Studies Psychology Evolutionary Theory
  1. Men and women often have very different views on attractiveness. Most men rate women highly, but many women rate men much lower.
  2. Rejection isn't just personal; it's often about general trends in attraction. Women may reject many men because they generally find most men less appealing.
  3. Both men and women can improve their dating experiences. Men can work on personal grooming and manners, while women can try to appreciate qualities like charm and humor more.

Le ménage n'est pas moral

L'Atelier Galita • 219 implied HN points • 21 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Social norms Gender Roles Mental health Self-Improvement Education
  1. Cleaning is a skill, not a moral failure. If you're not great at it, that just means you haven't learned yet.
  2. Many popular cleaning methods come from people who are already skilled, making it hard for beginners to learn. It's important to find someone who can explain things clearly.
  3. It's okay to delegate cleaning tasks to others. Just like you would hire someone for a ride or food delivery, you can get help with cleaning without feeling bad about it.

The Ironist

Desk Notes by Charles Schifano • 109 implied HN points • 14 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Language Irony Communication Social norms
  1. People often want irony to be shown clearly because misunderstandings are frustrating. They might wish for a special font to spot irony right away.
  2. Irony relies on the gap between what is said and what is meant. If everyone understands it perfectly, it might not be true irony.
  3. Today's culture puts a strong focus on clarity and being understood. This change makes it harder for people to laugh off mistakes or misunderstandings.

How to Show Up For Your Friends Without Kids — and How to Show Up For Kids and Their Parents

Culture Study • 5719 implied HN points • 13 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Community Relationships Parenting Self-care Social norms
  1. Many people feel left out or lonely, regardless of their life situation. It's important to remember that everyone has their own struggles and we should support each other instead of comparing who's worse off.
  2. People want and need help, but often don’t ask for it. We need to communicate better about how we can support each other in our daily lives.
  3. Building and maintaining friendships takes effort and can be messy. Sometimes it's not fun, but it's valuable because it helps us feel connected and cared for.

Celebrating One Year of The Soul of Civility - A Special Giveaway!

Civic Renaissance with Alexandra Hudson • 259 implied HN points • 10 Oct 24
🎭️ Culture Civility Social norms Public Discourse Literature Communication
  1. The book 'The Soul of Civility' explores how civility can help us get along better, especially during tough times. It encourages respectful conversation even with people we disagree with.
  2. Many important people have praised the book, highlighting its impact and importance for today's society. This recognition shows that the message of civility is resonating widely.
  3. The author has traveled far and wide to discuss civility with various audiences. These talks are helping spread the idea of civil dialogue and connection in a divided world.

A Mate Selection Theory of Feminization

Richard Hanania's Newsletter • 4145 implied HN points • 10 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Studies Social norms Relationships Feminism Marriage
  1. Women often struggle to find a balance between having a high-quality partner and ensuring loyalty. Some prefer to chase after attractive partners, while others focus on stability with someone they can trust.
  2. As societal views on monogamy change, men may adapt by showing more sensitivity and supportive behavior towards women. This can involve acting against traditional masculine stereotypes to prove their loyalty.
  3. The shift in norms around relationships has created two distinct cultural groups: one that embraces traditional masculinity and conservatism, and another that leans towards feminist and liberal values. This has changed how people view gender roles and relationships today.

giving up being the chill girl

bookbear express • 264 implied HN points • 29 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Identity Social norms Emotional Health Mental well-being Interpersonal Relationships
  1. It's important to be true to yourself instead of trying to please everyone. Always trying to make others happy can lead to feeling overwhelmed and anxious.
  2. Being 'chill' is often about meeting others' expectations, which can make you ignore your own feelings. It's okay to express your true emotions instead.
  3. Learning to listen and pay attention to others is a good skill, but it shouldn't come at the cost of your own self-worth. Balance is key to healthy relationships.

Bring Back Meeting In Real Life

Many Such Cases • 3876 implied HN points • 30 May 24
🎭️ Culture Dating Social norms Technology Communication Relationships
  1. Meeting people in real life is important for dating. We should go back to how relationships used to form through friends and social gatherings.
  2. Technology has made dating complicated. We often get overwhelmed by online options and forget to connect with people around us.
  3. It's time to face our fears about dating. We need to be more open and willing to talk to others, even if it feels uncomfortable at first.

Sock Fury

The Fry Corner • 7174 implied HN points • 05 Apr 24
😂 Humor Emotional Response Everyday life Cultural Commentary Social norms
  1. It's surprising how small things, like losing a sock, can make us extremely angry. We often react strongly to minor annoyances despite having bigger issues in life.
  2. Our emotions can feel imbalanced when we use them on small incidents instead of saving them for significant events or injustices. It's natural to feel deeply about personal things but we may end up emotionally drained for serious matters.
  3. Knowing about global issues can make us feel guilty for our personal frustrations, creating a conflict in how we express our emotions. Balancing awareness of the world's problems with our own feelings is a challenge.

saturday overton musings

bad cattitude • 247 implied HN points • 18 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Free speech Censorship Political Discourse Social norms
  1. The way we talk about things is changing, and there are shifts happening around what can be said in public. This gives people more freedom to express their thoughts without worrying so much about censorship.
  2. People are starting to stand up against the fear of backlash for what they say. It’s important to speak openly and to set standards about what is acceptable to talk about.
  3. The recent changes show us that we can push back against bullying behavior in conversations. By speaking honestly and boldly, we can change the way discussions happen and reclaim our rights to express different viewpoints.

Just Friends?

Seven Senses • 279 implied HN points • 01 Sep 24
🎭️ Culture Friendship Gender Relationships Personal Growth Social norms
  1. Sexual attraction can complicate friendships between men and women. It's common for friends to wonder if there's potential for more than just friendship, especially when they're single.
  2. Crossing the friendship boundary to a romantic relationship can change things, but it doesn't mean the friendship is ruined. Many people find that their friendships can actually become even more meaningful after a romantic connection.
  3. Cultural and gender expectations often affect male friendships too. Guys might feel pressure to appear strong and independent, which can make it hard for them to express vulnerability and create deeper friendships.

What does it mean to cheat at poker?

The Leap • 619 implied HN points • 26 Jul 24
🎭️ Culture Games Rules Behavior Ethics Social norms
  1. Cheating in poker can involve bending or breaking the rules to gain an unfair advantage. It's important to understand what constitutes cheating to maintain fair play.
  2. Angle-shooting is a gray area in poker where players exploit loopholes in the rules without outright cheating. This behavior can create tension and mistrust among players.
  3. Understanding the meaning of rules and how they are enforced is vital in poker. It helps ensure that everyone is playing the game fairly and enjoying the experience.

Vanity fair.

Soaring Twenties • 201 implied HN points • 22 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Feminism Identity Beauty Gossip Social norms
  1. People often expect you to define yourself in one way, but it's okay to like different things or change your mind. We can all have complex identities.
  2. Feminism isn't about fitting into a specific image or following strict rules; it is about wanting equality and being able to express ourselves freely without judgment.
  3. Gossip and assumptions about others can be harmful, and it's important to focus on being understanding and accepting of people's choices instead of labeling them.

The Happy Wife School

Sex and the State • 33 implied HN points • 05 Feb 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Roles Marriage Responsibility Society Social norms
  1. Women often feel they have to take responsibility for their husband's happiness, but that's not fair or accurate. Each person should have their own role in a marriage.
  2. It's common to believe that if one person works hard enough, they can fix all problems in a relationship. But both partners are needed to make things work.
  3. No one can completely control their circumstances or the actions of others. It's important to understand that sometimes, things are beyond our control.

Everything is weird now

Disaffected Newsletter • 2238 implied HN points • 07 Apr 24
🎭️ Culture Food Trends Dining Experience Social norms
  1. Many traditional restaurants are disappearing, replaced by upscale stores and unusual dining options. It's unsettling to see classic American diners vanish.
  2. New restaurants are offering odd combinations of food, like sushi and burgers, which feels confusing and strange. This blend doesn't always make sense or seem appealing.
  3. There's a trend of 'fusion' cuisine that mixes unrelated food styles just for creativity's sake, but it often lacks genuine flavor or identity. It's like they're trying too hard to be different.

Attitudes one can take towards people who have behaved badly

DYNOMIGHT INTERNET NEWSLETTER • 875 implied HN points • 07 Nov 24
🎭️ Culture Social norms Ethics Human behavior Communication Philosophy
  1. Social punishment is a natural part of how humans interact, helping to enforce a social contract. It can feel too harsh or unjust at times, but it still serves a purpose.
  2. There's a tricky balance in discussing the ideas of people who have done bad things. We need to find ways to remember their contributions without overlooking their wrongdoings.
  3. It's important to correct the record if someone is proven innocent after being publicly condemned. Reputations can suffer permanently, and it’s crucial to acknowledge when we've gotten things wrong.

Said the actress to the bishop...

The Leap • 359 implied HN points • 01 Aug 24
🎭️ Culture Language Humor Communication Social norms
  1. The phrase 'said the actress to the bishop' is a playful way to introduce innuendo into a conversation. It highlights how language can change meaning based on context.
  2. This phrase is similar to the modern American saying 'that's what she said', both of which add a humorous twist to everyday discussions.
  3. These expressions show how communication can be both innocent and suggestive at the same time, making conversations more entertaining.

Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center

Culture Study • 7245 implied HN points • 14 Feb 24
🎭️ Culture Friendship Relationships History Society Social norms
  1. Friendship used to be considered a vital part of life through history, becoming sidelined as marriage took priority in emotional connections.
  2. Modern ideals often emphasize a spouse also being a 'best friend', impacting how friendships are valued and maintained.
  3. Cultural norms and societal structures make it challenging to prioritize and nurture friendships over traditional family setups, but it's about understanding the possibilities and taking steps towards meaningful platonic connections.

The Obvious-Once-You-Think-About-It Reason Why Education Cuts Fertility

Bet On It • 659 implied HN points • 28 Oct 24
🚌 Education Higher education Social norms Economic Impact
  1. As education levels increase, people tend to have fewer children. This trend is seen in both individuals and countries.
  2. One reason for this is that students often want to finish their education before starting a family, leading to later parenthood.
  3. Education changes what people prioritize in life, making career success more important than having kids early.

The Marriage Market

David Friedman’s Substack • 161 implied HN points • 03 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Marriage Economics Social norms Gender Roles Legal issues
  1. Marriage can be viewed as a market where people offer certain terms to get a partner. If there are fewer options for one gender, the price or terms improve for the other gender.
  2. Having different qualities can change the 'price' of potential spouses. Attractive or compatible people often have better terms in marriage deals, similar to how desirable products are priced in a market.
  3. Legalizing practices like polygyny or polyandry can shift the demand for spouses, leading to better terms for some while making it tougher for others. It may seem confusing, but more choices can change how relationships are valued.

Femininity is a flex for top-half men

Sex and the State • 41 implied HN points • 20 Jan 25
🎭️ Culture Gender Issues Social norms Pop culture Masculinity Feminism
  1. Top-half men can safely express femininity without facing the same backlash that bottom-half men do. This difference shows how societal pressure around gender roles varies based on social class.
  2. Many men, particularly from marginalized groups, perform masculinity to protect themselves from real threats of violence. They are often trapped in rigid gender roles that can hurt their personal development.
  3. The divide in how femininity and masculinity are perceived can affect academic success, especially for boys. Those pushed to conform to traditional masculinity may struggle more in school.

Pickup Lines

Desk Notes by Charles Schifano • 133 implied HN points • 13 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Social norms Technology impact Human Interaction Philosophy Personal Reflection
  1. Rudeness in daily interactions can lead to interesting conversations about empathy and kindness. When someone behaves poorly, it often sparks curiosity about their reasons and intentions.
  2. Technological progress is clear, but it's important to consider whether we've become more thoughtful and caring as a society. Just knowing more doesn't always mean we are better to each other.
  3. Our understanding of the past can change with new information. Life is about continually learning and revisiting what we thought we knew, which helps shape our connections with others.

Japan - Utopia or Illusion?

Win-Win • 359 implied HN points • 03 Jun 24
🎭️ Culture Social norms Mental health Cultural Identity Values Societal Issues
  1. Japan has a high level of social cooperation, leading to a clean and safe environment with minimal crime. This reflects a strong cultural aversion to social shame and a commitment to following rules.
  2. Despite the apparent orderliness, Japan faces serious issues like a high suicide rate and increasing isolation among its youth. This suggests that the pressure to conform may stifle individual expression and innovation.
  3. A balanced approach is needed that encourages both social cooperation and individual freedom. Learning from both Japanese and U.S. cultures can help create systems that promote harmony and growth.

Mads Larsen on the Fertility Crisis

In My Tribe • 698 implied HN points • 11 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Social norms Gender Roles Reproductive Rights Evolutionary Psychology
  1. Women today enjoy more independence and choices, which can lead to lower birth rates. As they become more selective in choosing partners, it impacts family size.
  2. Historical pair-bonding cultures ensured support for women and children, but this tradition is weakening as gender equality rises. The value of women's financial independence changes relationship dynamics.
  3. To encourage family growth, society may need to change how we view relationships and partnerships. Promoting earlier marriage and family life could help reverse declining birth rates.

On clarity and mind-reading

Disaffected Newsletter • 2038 implied HN points • 30 Sep 23
🎭️ Culture Communication Mental health Childhood Trauma Relationships Social norms
  1. Many people, including myself, really struggle with ambiguity in conversations. It's important to be clear about what we mean so everyone understands.
  2. I insist on defining terms when talking because my past has taught me how harmful unclear expectations can be. If we can't agree on definitions, I won't engage in that conversation.
  3. Today’s world feels more confusing and less trustworthy than ever. It’s not just personal; many others feel the same way about the lack of clarity around communication and social rules.

Yes, male wages explain marriage declines

Sex and the State • 32 implied HN points • 15 Jan 25
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Income Inequality Gender Roles Social norms
  1. Marriage rates are declining, especially among poorer men and women. Many women are opting for single motherhood instead.
  2. The reason for this decline isn't just about money, but about the quality of potential partners. Poorer men often don't meet the standards women have for marriage.
  3. Reports that say women are too wealthy to marry don't consider that most of the decline is happening in lower-income groups. Single motherhood needs more attention since it's a growing concern.

New Year's Resolution: Bring Back The Aunties

Reactionary Feminist • 47 implied HN points • 31 Dec 24
🎭️ Culture Social norms Gender Studies Relationship Dynamics Community Building
  1. Older married women can play a key role in helping younger friends form relationships. They have the experience and interest to gently guide and support their social circles.
  2. The current dating scene feels challenging for many, with issues like online dating creating confusion and loneliness. This highlights the need for support in finding lasting relationships.
  3. Taking on the 'auntie' role by connecting younger singles can be beneficial for everyone involved. It’s a way to strengthen community ties and help combat loneliness among the next generation.

"Defining Deviancy Down" at 30: Reflections on Crime, Welfare, and Mental Health

Glenn Loury • 1706 implied HN points • 05 Nov 23
🇺🇸 U.S. Politics Crime Welfare Mental health Social norms
  1. Moynihan's essay 'Defining Deviancy Down' explores the impact of shifting norms and incentives on society.
  2. Critics of Moynihan's work questioned his motives rather than engaging with the validity of his analysis.
  3. The redefinition of deviancy has implications for mental health, substance abuse, and social control in society, leading to complex outcomes.

Promiscuity

We're Gonna Get Those Bastards • 8 implied HN points • 28 May 25
🎭️ Culture Relationships Sexuality Social norms Personal Growth Mental health
  1. Promiscuity can lead to emotional struggles and may complicate future relationships like marriage. It's often harder to build trust if there are many past partners.
  2. Having a lot of sexual partners can create feelings of jealousy and insecurity in relationships. It's difficult to forget past lovers when starting something new.
  3. Finding a meaningful connection takes time and effort. Meeting people through shared activities or environments can be better than using dating apps.

Social Learning Links

In My Tribe • 440 implied HN points • 16 Dec 24
🚌 Education College Licensing Politics Online safety Social norms
  1. Many jobs today require expensive degrees that people might not even need. Instead, some suggest that students could go directly into work after high school and earn a good living.
  2. When people argue about politics, they often aren't trying to change each other's minds. Instead, they want to maintain their group loyalty and protect their beliefs.
  3. There are differing views on the Kids Online Safety Act. Some believe it will help protect kids online, while others think it could be ineffective and distracting for schools.